#Blog – It’s time to lose the hashtags

Self Help | January 26, 2018 | By

The overuse of hashtagging is starting to make me feel sad. I go on Instagram and see people so desperate for gratification from strangers, rather than just writing a witty comment or a little tale into the workings of the picture, instead they are adding 456 pointless hashtags with reckless abandon, paying no mind to the fact it makes them look a touch spammy, and a touch sad.

We have been over the dos and do nots of social media many times, and yet it seems like nobody really reads this blog. Let me show you some examples of how hashtagging needs to stop. Right now:

Example 1 – stupid hashtags

Premise:

There is a picture. A girl is stood on some steps, looking wistfully to the side, probably pondering her life choices, all of which have been horrendous. We then look at the caption:

“Thinking pose.”

Cool.

We then see the following hashtags:

#thinking #pose #thinkingpose #arty #steps

OK, I’m going to stop you right there (despite the fact there are a further 26 pointless hashtags). Why the need to hashtag the word ‘steps’?

I guess steps enthusiasts who get off over steps are probably the sort of people likely to search the word ‘steps’. But imagine some people’s discontent when, upon searching for ‘Steps’, they find one needy bitch front of shot with the vague sight of some average looking staircase in the back ground – and not H from Steps, or a majestic palatial staircase in central Paris.

Example 2 – silly props

Premise: 

A picture is published. In it, a girl is in a coffee shop and you can see this because she’s holding a coffee. This is what’s known as a prop. Props can include a whole range of items that suggest someone is doing something. I think most people consume coffee daily, but for this girl it’s a real event. Hopefully tomorrow she will post one of her brushing her teeth, or taking a shit.

Then we have the caption:

“Coffee”

Obviously. Just in case any of us missed the mug she was holding or – and God forbid – we mistook the contents of the cup for green tea. And then, for those still having doubts, she clears it all up in the hashtags.

#coffee #coffeecup #mug #hotdrink #helpme #morning #beverage #sayyoulikeme #coffeeshop #imunhappy #croissant  #ihavenofreinds #cappuccino

It’s a shame really, but I imagine she got at least 14 likes from fake accounts, fellow coffee enthusiasts, virgins and bedwetters, and those 14 likes from strangers are what’s going to get her through the day.

Example 3 – I can do up my own laces.

Premise:

Girl is stood in front of mirror taking a picture of herself wearing clothes.

Here, the subject wants you to know that they woke up this morning and dressed themselves – albeit averagely. This person is not a model and does not, in fact, even work in fashion. They just know how to shop and dress themselves. So they go wild on sites like boohoo.com, and because what happens after you buy something from them is that you cry, it takes a good social media post to really raise the spirits.

So she poses in her tacky outfit and hashtags the fck out of it, with the added bonus of tagging the heinous store she stupidly bought it from.

So, unless you’re the Olsen twins and they had an Instagram (which they would literally never do because they are too chic), I think it’s safe to assume that nobody wants to know what you are wearing. They don’t. They do, however, care what Bella and Gigi or Kate Moss and Victoria Beckham are wearing. But if you’re not somebody that people look to for fashion inspiration then really all you’re doing is just bragging about the fact you managed to get up this morning and get dressed.

So I say go easy on the begging for attention. Quit the hashtags altogether and let things happen organically/gluten and wheat-free, because fake likes online ain’t going to make you feel better about the coffee you just spilled all over your cheap new outfit while sat on some piss-stained steps in a back alley of London.

Slow down trigger fingers. #O

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