Can we just be friends?

My Life | August 29, 2017 | By

To be honest no, I’ve got too many friends already. My friends are full and I have no opening for anyone new. If anything, I need to cull a few.

But here’s a little story about friends… Are some of the best relationships built from friendships? I mean that’s what like Cosmo says, I’m just not sure it’s true…

I have this friend and he’s a guy and we talk every day, but we only talk every day because we have to. We sort of work together in this office I have to frequent to get given work, but it’s literally for like 20 minutes while we both sit around waiting.

I tell him everything in that short amount of time though. He knows more than I divulge in these blogs. I don’t really know his real name, but I just refer to him as Eminem as once someone gave him one of those sweets called ‘Skittles’ when I was there and he said “thanks” but then spat it out and said it was disgusting and that “he thought it was an M&M.”

And so I call him Eminem.

The management of the office have this thing with continually telling me that Eminem is secretly obsessed with me and fully in love with me. I just totally don’t get that vibe from him though.

Also, how can he be in love with me when I tell him such detailed descriptions of the guys I’m seeing and the things I’ve done? If anything I would assume he must hate me…

My last birthday fell on a weekend, and I remember at that time Mike, my lawyer, told me that: “When you go in the office on Monday Eminem will be sat there with wine and chocolates and flowers waiting for you.”

I was like no fckin way, he won’t know it’s my birthday and wouldn’t he have done that on Friday? Mike was like: “Just trust me. He’s so in love with you…”

Monday came, and well I’ll be damned, there was Eminem with everything Mike had said he would have (well except for the flowers, which was a shame, a shame for me since I like flowers).

There were two boxes of chocolates, a bottle of wine and a card. I showed my gbff and he was like: “Look how much he’s written in the card, nobody writes that much in cards unless they’re in love with you.”

And yeah there was a lot of writing. Suddenly I thought “FCK is Eminem in love with me?” Fck.

And now things are just weird. I’m trying to be normal, but most of me is being awkward, and a part of me is being weird. Here are some of the juxtaposing thoughts I am having:


“Is Eminem fit? Eminem is fit. Eminem isn’t fit.”

“Shall I fck Eminem? I don’t think I could fck Eminem. I wonder if Eminem is good in bed?”

“Eminem would be such a nice boyfriend. Eminem would be a needy boyfriend. Eminem knows too much about me to be my boyfriend.”

“Is Eminem trying to propose to me asking me what he just asked me? LostItGirl, Eminem just asked you the time and it’s weird you’re not answering. Is everything Eminem says to me his way of asking me out?”

“Should I ask Eminem if he loves me? If I ask Eminem if he loves me he might say yes and then I’d feel super weird. He wouldn’t admit it would he?”

“Should I stop telling Eminem about other guys in case it makes him sad? Shit, he hates all the guys I tell him about? That could just be because they are assholes though?”

Freakin out the neighbourhood

It’s freaking me out. Deep down I really don’t believe he is in love with me, but a few people have said it now and they are the sort of annoying people who are always right.

So I have decided in the last few weeks since this has been brought to my attention that I simply don’t think I like him like that. But then again, I’ve never looked at him like that.

What if we went out on a date? Maybe he could grow on me. The thing is, personality-wise, he is everything I want. He totally gets me like nobody else; sometimes I don’t even have to finish a sentence, he just gets it. And we laugh. A fckin lot. For me, that’s important. If I was to consider “going steady” with someone, they’d totally have to make me laugh. It’s of high importance. But anyway, I’m not going to do anything about it, it’s just been fun thinking about it.

But what’s it like for the other side of the party? I know somebody who’s in love with their best friend. It’s mad. She can’t see that a) he’s a tosspot b) he’s embarrassing c) he doesn’t think of you like that but loves having his ego massaged at her obsession. I hate watching it.

Those ones who are so in love with someone, but have been firmly placed in the friend zone. Are they going home and crying each night when a new love is mentioned? Are they constantly cock blocking themselves as they wait for their friend to feel the same way as they? And if you’re the one the whose best friend is in love with you, are you missing out on the best relationship ever?

How does this all end? If I were to guess, I’d say death.

But I don’t know. Back when I was in college I finally gave in to a friend who was in love with me, and I ended up hating him. I lost the friend and didn’t gain the relationship, so nobody won. Plus, if it isn’t there, it isn’t there.

Unrequited love probably sucks, but you can’t force it.

Personally, I think it’s best for me if I literally never find out. If he is, it’s actually really chic having someone secretly obsessed with me but me never knowing. Most of the obsessions I’ve experienced have never been that much of a secret…



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