Can you date someone crazier than you? And should you?
Do you think it ever gets to the point in life that you realise everyone is fckin crazy, so you should just target finding the least craziest and settle for them? All around me all I see and hear is total chaos in human form.
There’s only one couple I know who are truly happy. They have a dog and two dishwashers and I’ve never seen them argue once. It’s boring really, whilst also being fascinating that two people can cohabitate without the temptation to shave the other’s head in the middle of the night. But this is just one couple out of the frankly hundreds I have come across on my journey. And these are usually couples who have just settled for the hand they’ve been dealt.
It must be love
Here’s some insights into some of my couple friends and the lives they’ve been enjoying together recently…
One of my friends had a huge fight in the VIP area at a festival with her boyfriend. The sadder side of that particular party (I won’t say who. OK, it was her…) then broke down in hysterics and flung themself all over the place, and ended up ensnared within a wired fence. In public.
Another friend’s boyfriend got so drunk when out with her that he decided it would be a good idea to invite a plus one back to the party. There wasn’t a party obviously, I just mean he invited a girl to join him and his girlfriend. Needless to say, it didn’t work out like it does in the pornos.
One of my friends gets given flowers every few months. She thinks it’s sporadic and from love. It’s actually because he was out screwing someone the night before. She knows secretly though, and so she drinks to forget and cries a lot.
Not for me
When I hear these stories, it can be interesting and sometimes funny, but if this is what we have to look forward to, then stop the world, I’m getting off.
Quite some time back I was seeing this guy, and although we’ve not spoken for over a year, sometimes I have to frequent his office. I don’t know what he does but it involves a desk and last weekend he had to come take pictures of me DJ’ing at an event. Him seeing me again prompted a text. He wrote: “If you saw me in the corridor would you say hi?”
It was only sent at 8pm, so he couldn’t have been too fcked up, but it just screamed insane and I recalled all the mad things he’s done that led us to stop talking.
But was I perhaps too hasty? Compared to some of the recent people I’ve met maybe he wasn’t that off the wall after all? Ok, well he was. But now I’m thinking it’s likely I’m going to have to settle for the unstable kind. Also, I wouldn’t say hi to him in corridors because ignoring people is like my 43rd most favourite fun thing to do.
Speaking of meltdown mania guys, let’s talk Camden. Camden is a guy from Camden, and I had a feeling it would be a fun ride because he always goes to new depths in terms of stability.
We hung out again after the first two rekindling sessions. He met me when I was on a mixture of Xanax and booze, which makes me everyone’s favourite type of LostItGirl. He was banging on about babysitting a cat. ‘Do cats need babysitting?’ was my first thought. Also, I thought, ‘If I was going to leave a small animal in the hands of anyone, would it be him?’
I decided that it wouldn’t. Then he told me he’d lost the cat. The conversation moved on to his ex, which I found to be annoying. I decided to start talking about some of my exes too. At one point we were both sat talking straight ahead at the same time about our own previous relationships. Then people started to stare so he allowed me to continue with my own stories. I decided to tell him just how BIG they are, if you catch my unsubtle drift.
He seemed annoyed by this and is currently ignoring me. I texted him and asked after the cat which he ignored, so I asked again. I wrote: ‘Look Camden, I’m really worried about the cat, can you get back to me?’
He finally replied and said the cat was fine, but I didn’t actually care about the cat. I think cats are dicks. Then I asked when he was free to hang out next. Which he ignored.
He’s nuts which is fun, and he’s clearly still hung up on his ex which is cute but I’m not allowed to mention mine because this makes him sulk. It’s not fair really, because I think crazy should be a two-way street, you know?
The point is that I’m obviously going to have to hang out with someone with an element of madness, it just depends on what level it’s at. And do you go for someone who’s psycho level matches yours? Someone worse? Difficult one to work out that isn’t it?