Guys are totally crazier than women – the proof

Self Help | July 19, 2017 | By

As LostItGirl, I’m always going to be super open about discussing how completely off the fckin leash I am; and I get a lot of good stories from my mental friends too. But it’s always about the female of the species acting out isn’t it? And you know what? Guys are equally, if not more, unbalanced. Guys are bonkers. It’s true. Let me prove it.

Below are some examples of the kinds of things myself or my friends have been subjected to recently. These are all true stories btw. You couldn’t make them up tbh…

Driving barefoot

My friend had a boyfriend who became an ex. They were together for like a year or something, but he was a liar and a cheat so she moved on. She moved on pretty quick in truth, but imagine her surprise when she left her new guy’s house in the morning to find her ex in his mum’s car stalking outside the new guy’s house. He didn’t even have a licence. He saw her and sped off. Apparently when he got home his mum went crazy at him for stealing her car and also that he had driven it barefoot.

Illness

My next friend was out at a local nightclub with some friends, quite innocently. Then she got a text from her boyfriend telling her she had to come home as he had cancer. He didn’t, he made this up to get her to come home as he just didn’t want her out of his sight.

Veggie

Another friend is a dedicated vegetarian, and she met this guy online (not sure on which platform). She thought he was perfect as he was funny, charming and also a vegetarian. They met and got on very well. They started going out, and regularly went for dinners (of the vegetarian variety). She was so happy to be dating a fellow vegetarian until one night at around 3am she woke up and noticed he wasn’t in bed. She went to the kitchen only to find him eating pepperoni from the bin. True story. He wasn’t a vegetarian, he just said that to impress her.

Paypal

Despite blocking him on all forms of social media, phone, WhatsApp, etc. because she was sick of his shit, my friend’s ex still found a way in. He started to transfer her money on PayPal every day and wrote her messages in the ‘reference for beneficiary’ section. Jesus. Oh, and then she took him back.

The boxer

The boxer turned up at my house after only a loose plan had been made. He sat outside and rang three times in a row. Srsly, I got the first missed call man, I didn’t need the other two. He sent four texts also and I realised he was sat outside my house. So I hid, because it was the night the footballer was coming over. I played dumb afters. Sure, I’m mean. But he’s mad. And that’s worse.

He also had a mild meltdown when I was out, and then he ignored me for 12 hours as punishment because I told him: “You do you,” and hung up on him. I didn’t even notice, he just reached out again to tell me I’d been punished with 12 hours’ silence because of my poor attitude. Ok then.

Hat guy

Not only does hat guy still go mental about the fact I own condoms, he also does all of this:

Pretends he’s going to the same events as me, despite me knowing he has no chance of getting in. He then has to make up stupid lies as to why he isn’t attending. “Man, can’t get tickets.” Yeah I know mate.

He asks me daily about the other guys I’m seeing. Fine, this makes him smart because I am seeing others. But you don’t show you’re paranoid. And I’ve not actually told him I am, he’s just guessing. His guessing game is strong though but he just won’t shut up about it. He also cries when I use ‘friend-style’ language with him.

Brother self-harms

Seriously, my brother is the one I thought to be stable, but his girlfriend was over in the UK visiting, so my brother got super pissed and hurt himself (not on purpose I think) then sent pictures of the injury all bandaged up. Mad. He literally never uses his Facebook, but on the same night he also uploaded a new profile picture of himself (he looked like a crack addict) just because his girlfriend had no WiFi and couldn’t pay attention to him. So nuts.

Beheading a teddy

I stayed out late once and a boyfriend at the time couldn’t get hold of me. He would go out until 2 am all the time, but when I did it and he was home alone it was a problem. So he tore the head of a teddy he bought me for my birthday and scattered it at the front door with a trail of stuffing leading to the head.

Hitting the roof

This really old man I was seeing got so mad at me being out with my friends, he came to collect me in Leicester Square. My friends and I came round the corner full of joy only to see him stood livid at the car waiting for me. I introduced him to my friends, but rather than saying hi like a normal person, he slammed his fist on the roof of the car saying “God damn it LostItGirl where have you been?!”

He literally hit the roof. To this day if we are going to meet in Leicester Square, we will say: “Meet you at the roof hitting place?”

Crying in the street

The same old guy once laid down in a park in full public, crying. I remember he had a snot bubble. It was foul. And he also started shaking his left leg. It was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. Crying in public is despicable, but add that lot in the mix and it’s just bizarre.

I would totally love to hear about some of the mad things the guys in your life have done, because it’s super fun to know we are all humans after all…

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