Rotation Update

My Life | August 23, 2017 | By

The rotation of boys I am currently faced with is so miraculously boring it’s bordering on the absurd. And yet, despite this, as I and anyone that happens to have come across this blog or me in person over the course of the last three months knows, they are still hanging in there. And we will literally never know why. Here’s an update on the latest each one of my rotation has done to astound me further as they continually sink to new depths of complete wretchedness.

Hat Guy

Let’s get the most boring of them out of the way first, the Hat Guy. It’s been relatively straight forward this one: I’ve just ignored him, he’s ignored me. And that was how it was going, until recently. He watches all of my stories on Instagram, but he just started replying to them again. I gave some semi-skimmed replies. He rang me, we spoke, he bored me. I’m boring myself talking about how boring he is. He’s been removed from the rotation as he’s really weird and he’d never had much luck with hiding the crazy from day one. Strange Hat Guy.


I think he’s back in the UK, and I think he’s feeling sorry for himself. Honestly, me sending him a WhatsApp complimenting his new avi, only to be read and ignored was fun in itself. But to the next day change his avi was frankly just a stroke of fck you genius. I thought it made him a bit of a twat, but those initial feelings have subsided and now I think he’s freakin’ awesome. The levels to his actions are complex, but accomplished.

Changing the avi the next day takes time and effort and I feel it is fully directed at yours truly. Something tells me it won’t be the last from him, but I’m ready with a winning line… so hurry up you dumbass. Usually I can’t wait for them to text so I can ignore. This time I can’t wait to text because I’ve got a great line to chuck at him. And no it’s not: “Sorry who dis?”

I’d like to say he’s out of the rotation but we all know he has the body of a God and if he catches me drunk in a great underwear set I’m not sure I’ll be able to say no. I’ll try though, I really will.


So Camden is this dude who I met in Camden. I think I need to work on my naming system for these guys, but to be honest they are usually gone as quickly as they’ve come so it might be a waste of time and effort to attach anything other than the most obvious sobriquet to them. Plus, I never learn their real names, because it sounds like a boring thing to do.

We originally met maybe like six years ago or so. He was working in this pub and was just the cutest thing you ever did see. All floppy hair and a hat, always in black, plus he had an accent.

He was hot af and I dragged my friends to that damn pub all the time. So shout out to R, C and K for always going there with me to allow me to stare at him, I have really great friends.

We lost touch a while back since I didn’t have a Facebook, but I got one a year ago and on NYE he added me. I was so excited, but then he proceeded to have the mother of all meltdowns on there and even called his followers ‘cubes’. We think he meant to call them all ‘cunts’ but his anguish caused his faux pas. It all pointed to him getting dumped so I stayed the fck away until he began to resemble normality. This happened in the last three months. All I was looking for was him to not be doing Facebook updates and certainly not doing aggressive ones.

We were out a couple of weeks ago and I totally made a mockery of him for his public meltdown. He handled it well and explained the circumstances. Tbf he got pretty fcked over, but the main point was that he admitted to his bonkers behaviour. I’ve been speaking to him since we met and I’m considering letting him enter the rotation.

The second time we hung out he was taking pictures of me. I have a full time photographer, and so somebody taking photos of me without an official sign off is not ok with me. So in front of him (although he didn’t seem to notice) I went through his phone in order to edit these unauthorised photos. I saw a lot of nudes from different girls. Cute. But obviously I felt like a bit of a prick. I handed he phone back and said: “I’m not sure I was meant to see the things I just saw.”

He said: “WTF? You went through my phone?” I realised that yes I had, and I was deeply saddened. But it was only to remove the pictures of me. Anyway, now I know I have competition from these nude bitches I’m going to have to up my game, which is annoying because I thought he was likely to be easy and it bores me when I have to put in effort. But at the same time, I also love a challenge. Plus, he’s mad which is so fun.

We will see how this one pans out…




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