Send nudes

My Life | November 26, 2017 | By

I’ve been talking to this new guy because all the others have bored me. Well, in truth, one is ignoring me, but the others all bored me. So I’d like to tell you about the new one, but I’m far too embarrassed because I simply should know better. But as I always say, we live and we (never really) learn.

Anyway considering what and who he is, he actually has pretty good conversational capabilities. For the sake of this blog, I shall call him 50 (no it’s not 50 Cent). It’s been going on for a few weeks now and so feeling brave at 4am the other morning I told him we should hang out tomorrow.

When tomorrow came I simply sent my phone number (all previous communication had been via a popular social media channel called Instagram). He replied “About time…”

But as it turned out, time was not of great importance to him, since three hours had passed and my black iPhone had alerted me to messages from quite a range of people:

  • Xanax dealer
  • Friend I like
  • Friend I’m not so keen on
  • Gay bff
  • Somebody I literally hate
  • Mum
  • My dog’s therapist
  • Uber eats

But no 50. And then he committed a cardinal sin, he posted a fckin Insta story. I replied with the following to his boring little story:

LiG: “Maybe I gave you the wrong number.”

50: “Lol 12 digits.”

LiG: “I meant since you ain’t used it, but you knew that.”

50: “I was waiting until you were in bed to get a picture from you… clever thinking.”

LiG: *Radio silence.*

Clever thinking. Let me tell you something about clever thinking. In this scenario, clever thinking would have been to use the number I gave you to get me round in full 4D HD. Clever thinking would be to ask a total hoe for a picture, but be chic with me. Clever thinking would be to not text me when I’m in bed since I have these new 60 thread count sheets and generally once I’m in bed I’m asleep four minutes later. Clever thinking would have been to text me and say “Seems like the right number to me…” instead of replying on the popular social media account.

I don’t care about photos really, it’s not a big deal, and after all everyone asks. In fact I communicate with all my friends through visuals. Who doesn’t? I’m not opposed to the photo per se. It’s just I gave this jerk my number, we have been talking for a month and it’s been ok conversation, not shit chat, or shat as I like to call it. So now I’m left thinking some or all of the following:

He’s scared

He’s frigid

He has a girlfriend

He’s gay

He hates me

Or maybe he’s just a boring prick. I’m not messaging again since giving someone your number and not receiving a text is rather a big FCK YOU. So here’s a picture for him.

Ps: You’ll be pleased to know it’s driven me straight into the arms of one of my mental exes: the one who always does indirects to me and tries to communicate with me via serial avi changing. Yeah him.

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