My Life | April 10, 2018 | By

“In mythology, folklore and speculative fiction, shapeshifting is the ability of a being or creature to completely transform its physical form or shape.”

Of course, that statement is far too intellectual to have come from my brain, it’s from the popular bank of knowlegde that can be updated by anyone regardless of intellect or literacy, Wikipedia.

But for me, shapeshifting is commonly also known as some of the following:


Make Up





Snapchat, etc., etc.

This could develop into a rant about the lies I am subjected to daily, by what can only be described as creatures. Humans are transforming into creatures in front of our very eyes on the regular. And it’s all bullshit. But it won’t develop into a rant, because I have gained control.

One thing I will say though, is that although shapeshifting for likes is an absurdity often perpetuated in the main by the female of the species, it’s also a thing for men.

My gbff knows this fat rich kid who apparently applies so many layers of foundation and powered potions, it takes up to one and a half hours.

The sad thing is he only really succeeds in shapeshifting himself into a tubby rich kid, so his time really would be better spent. But my gbff was aghast at the shit he was applying to his face. He just comes out orange though, and it’s weird.

In reality, his self esteem is so low that he’s applying make up with the abundance of a Kardashian, and he’s spending hours of his life on it. Shapeshifting yourself from white to orange, and fat to tubby, is not to be considered worthy of spending hours each day in preparation.

YouTube is pretty wretched at the best of times. And it has video upon video of girls literally shapeshifting themselves in public, and being seemingly proud of doing so.

These videos are called “Make up tutorials”, but that ain’t no make up I’ve ever seen! Humans in tribes have been painting their faces and bodies since BC times, and as civilisations grew, and cities with houses developed, we moved beyond that, discovering clothing, hygiene and make up.

Make up traditionally takes the essence of tribal face painting, toning it down to maintain a semblance of what was originally there to work with at the start; ie: THE FACE. Make up, when executed well is clearly awesome and should forever be a part of our lives. Back in the 1920’s is when it really became the shit we have today. I love make up, it’s great. But there is make up and then there is shapeshifting.

Once a girl has transformed her whole face with hundreds of pounds worth of potions and shit I don’t really understand (nor want to), we can see they have suddenly developed a new, slimmer nose, chiseling cheekbones and long, fake eyelashes. But this isn’t enough for them, because they will then take pictures of their shapeshifted face and shapeshift it further with the use of an app.

Shapeshifting doesn’t only incorporate the addition of bunny ears and cute little doggy noses, although that’s bad enough. There are now filters that slim down your entire face, literally slimming down your whole nose and making your skin look smooth, blemish free and creamy.

But, not yet have we discovered how to shapeshift our faces when we go to bed next to a disappointed partner, entered into meetings with a disappointed PR company who thought they were signing up an attractive model (signed to the popular modelling agency called Instagram), or entered into a shop on an early morning to buy a ready-made smoothie and frightened small children innocently on their way to school.

We live in fascinating times, indeed.


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