The Fakernet

Celebs | April 28, 2016 | By

LostItGirl considers the reality that fakery goes so much further on the internet than any of us could possibly have at first thought. In purer, better times, it was Strawberry Fields where nothing was real, now it is the internet.

I used to believe I was in no way naive. But as it turns out, I am. I’d always just assumed people were laid back and cool, rather than being total begs and taking themselves far too seriously. It was incorrect of me to think that way.

My friends found these websites that “out” everyone for their unashamed fakery.

You simply put in their social media handle and voila, it gives you the percentage of followers they’ve purchased and the percentage of ones that are real. It BLOWS YOUR MIND. I was shocked and actually totally distraught to find out that in this huge company only myself and one other hadn’t purchased friends. It torments me still. Awful.

I was so sad to find people I had once admired had done it. Friends, colleagues, heroes, the lot. Everyone.

In all fairness I only have 2,000 followers and if I’d bought them I’d want my damn money back. But literally everyone’s buying up friends. And it doesn’t stop there. People buy likes. Actual likes. Insta-likes. Sorry I’m so stressed by this.

Numbers, like the number of  Twitter followers someone has, are just that – numbers. They mean very little at all unless you can put them to work. Sadly, you can’t put fake Twitter followers to work. They don’t interact with you, or allow you to get sponsorship, and in actual fact, if I know now about the ways to quite simply take a look at how many fake followers you have, you can guarantee the whole world has already been doing it for years (I’ve always been a bit slow). Not great for credibility that.

Dora the Internet Explorer

My friend Dora delved into the celebrity world and tried it out on some of them. Even they’re at it. Well, they’re not. I mean I use the word “celebrity” but I’m referring to like TOWIE and the American version of that, whatever that is. And some shit about beasts on a beach. Or exes or something.

I don’t know what they’re called. I’m reliably informed that all of those types of people do it. I suppose it should really come as little or no surprise that they have purchased most of their “friends” and “likes”.

It’s such a shame that there’s people that take social media so seriously that they need to buy up attention. It doesn’t matter how many likes you’re getting or followers you have if none of them are genuine. I promise you now, if you come up with posts that add value to people’s lives, you’ll get some likes and followers out of it. But of course, the fakery goes beyond the purchase of likes and followers.


My friend Pandora is obsessed with one of the beasts on the beach. She showed me this girl’s Instagram and I can safely say she had a face like a bucket of smashed crabs. She had filtered the hell out of herself, the poor dear. When you got past the lack of clothing it was sad to see the sun damage. She is younger than me, but she messed everything up for herself with some poor decision-making.

Appearing on Celeb Big Brother, Sex on the Beach and TOWIE this year... Things are looking up!

Appearing on Celeb Big Brother, Sex on the Beach and TOWIE this year… Things are looking up!

She was probably once very cute, but she decided that sunbeds, fillers, Botox and all that stuff would make her look nicer. It did not. She’s probably 22 and she looks 52, although to be fair she looked OK in the filtered ones. But we can’t really count those now can we?

Big ugly tattoo eyebrows, lots of filters, but you could see underneath it all that the end product wasn’t the best.

Mean Girl

Sorry to sound mean and harsh but it’s true, and here was my friend Pandora, who’s naturally beautiful, wishing she was a bit more like this trash. It was awful to see. This is the modern world.

That girl has purchased attention. She has changed everything about how she looks. Not a single photo was of her looking natural and having fun with her friends. She had purchased followers and likes (you’d have to as there was nothing to like about it). But I just felt so sorry for her.

I’ve no idea what’s driven girls to turn into this. I don’t know why they can’t understand that being ok to look at but natural will see you right in life. Add a personality into that and you’ve nailed it. The looks of beautiful people may draw you in at first but if they’re a vacuous un-opinionated bore obsessed with both themselves and fake attention. Well, who wants to hang out with that?

None of these people look the way they do in their photos. The internet has been taken over by bullshitters. These apps and filters and websites that allow you to buy attention and friends… What even is this world?

Mind blowing lies.

Contour Monster

Actually it has spilled over into urban life too. Even in the street it’s all this contouring bullshit and I don’t even understand it myself if I’m honest. So you paint a new face on to your face and then cover that in ten tonnes of make up. What, just to go to work? Really. I’d rather wake up, cleanse, tone and slather on my caviar face cream. Quick touch up of the brows, a little mascara, eight hour cream on the lips and I’m done. Takes four minutes. If I’ve been out the day before I will apply a touch of powder on my face to hide the redness from the booze. But that’s all. Anything over that and I’d have to assume I’m Shrek and fck off to go live in a cave.

Looks like a lot of effort... Was it worth it?

Looks like a lot of effort… Is it worth it?

I sometimes use that filter on Snapchat because it gives me a nice forehead. But generally none of my photos are retouched or filtered. I ain’t got the time and I simply don’t need the attention. Plus I couldn’t bare to meet someone face-to-face only for them to be disappointed when I don’t look like brunette Barbie. I would hate fake bits of attention. No, 25k worth of people don’t care about what you’re doing. They care about making a quick buck, you paid them to care.

No, that photo of you pouting didn’t get 12k likes. You purchased those ones didn’t you?

I knew this shit went on of course, but to the extent it does and by what I deemed as pretty regular and cool people – well that upset me.

And don’t even get me started on lil Kim. Really just don’t.

17 year olds getting Botox and lip fillers and fake asses? At 17 I was rolling around pissed on Bacardi Breezers wearing Rimmel coffee shimmer and I was perfectly happy. What the hell are these girls going to look like at 30?

"Son, I'm 30"

“Son, I’m 30”

People have become obsessed with attention. I got none as a child, I just worked out how to get it without having to change my face.


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