When things get out of hand

My Life | June 18, 2017 | By

Things have escalated pretty quickly since yesterday. Sometimes some serious shit can go down in my world in a matter of hours. I can go from telling everyone I faux love one guy, to completely forgetting about him and loving the next one in minutes.

Firstly, can we all show appreciation to Ramsey Street? For those that don’t know him, he’s the neighbour I used to have sex with. We had a great set up, but I once allowed him to come with me as my guest to Wireless Festival. He got fully excited and treated me appallingly, but in quite an amusing way.

This year’s Wireless is just a few weeks away, and so naturally he’s messaged me a “Hi, long time” kind of message. I just want to dedicate this blog to Ramsey Street because we could all learn from him. His brazen attitude, his no shame outlook, is so admirable. I really respect it. Of course, the only way he’s getting into Wireless this year is if he’s climbing the fckin fence. But it’s so cute that he’s not even tried to start his ground work a few months in advance. He’s literally started it two weeks early in the hope I won’t notice, and that, to me, is magnificent. So even though this blog isn’t about him, it is in memory of Ramsey Street.

Dedicated to the loving memory of Ramsey Street,

Who once took my VIP guest ticket to Wireless,

Didn’t speak to me for the whole festival,

Until he found me in the VIP section,

And asked me to buy him and his friends some drinks,

At which point I jumped on him and tried to bite his ear off,

Delivering blows to the face and testicular area as I was hauled off him by those around us,

Ramsey Street, keep being you…

Guy plans

There’s a guy I’ve mentioned a few times before. He goes to my boxing class and he is hot. I mean he’s so hot. But I’ve petrified him on numerous occasions and he’s super shy and it was such a long ting I was beginning to get bored. So I went ahead and just invited him out after class. It turns out he’s a fan. Literally he’s a fan of my (other) work. Bless him.

This was my plan for him:

1) Hang out with him for a couple of weeks.

2) Ruin his life.

3) Discard him.

4) Still go to boxing class because I’d have forgotten all about our dalliances.

5) Go in like nothing has happened until he eventually stopped coming because it “hurt” too much to see me.

6) Notice that he was no longer staring at me whilst I boxed.

7) Go up to the teacher (who’s also his cousin) and ask him where that guy that used to come is.

8) Find out his name, text him, screw with him a bit more.

9) And then move on.

I was so excited for this plan.

The problem though, is that he’s genuinely hot and really very nice.

He’s not pretend nice, he’s genuinely nice and he’s super chilled. He’s basically the exact opposite of me. It’s annoying when it turns out they’re actually nice. That annoying guilt thing kicks in and then fckin with them isn’t as fun, I mean I still do it, but it’s not as fun.

Escalation

I escalated things with him because of hat guy. I’ve only mentioned hat guy here once before. He’s the one that sent me a picture of his dick captioned “gone for the weekend” because he was off to visit his kid. Here’s something about me: if I actually like someone, I won’t mention them. I hardly discuss it with my friends and I never discuss it on LostItGirl.

For the last few weeks we had been talking and hanging out and I kept the whole thing secret because I liked him. But it’s ok now, as it turns out I really don’t. I revenge hung out with boxer because hat guy annoyed me. And now it’s just showed up hat guy for what he is: a bit of a prick.

Initially, hat guy was totally courting me. He came over every night bearing gifts. He was messaging every day. But there were warning signs that revealed hat guy could be just a bit of a douche.

1) He saw two unopened condoms on my bed side table and went crazy about it. He just didn’t ever stop mentioning it.

2) He kept saying shit like: “You’re in love with me aren’t you?” Erm, yeah I’m totally in love with what a psycho you are.

3) He’s got a kid, which is pretty gross. I just don’t ever date dads. I had a super bad experience and have now been scarred for life.

4) He takes part in some charity work, but shamelessly uses it to promote what a great guy he is. I actually donated hundreds of pounds’ worth of stuff to the same charity, but didn’t feel it necessary to tell anyone. Although I just have. But he actually said to me: “Some people are calling me a hero, but I’m no hero. Am I?” And other shit like that. It was really off-putting.

So those were my warning signs. And lo and behold he’s been acting super weird recently. But I like that. The weirder the better. It’s so annoying.

To sum up, he’s weird. The boxer is super nice. In a few days it will all have changed. I’ll probably be in love with hat guy and hate the boxer. Or there’ll be a whole new one to hate/love, who knows?

That’s the fun of being a slut.

No.

I mean that’s the fun of being LostItGirl.

I mean both, I guess.

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