Think before you text
After yesterday’s story about Hat Man’s inglorious fck up and his girlfriend’s inability to hide the crazy, I decided to draft up some helpful tips for those that wish to act in a more dignified and respectable manner.
In the event of any drama, you must first, before taking any action, remember this:
Stop drop and roll
Let me explain. Say you’ve caught your boyf cheating or you’ve found something incriminating against him; or your best friend just called you fat on a text but sent it to you instead of the person they meant to…
Do not respond. Take a moment, go to your zen place, put down your phone or walk away quietly if it’s a face to face thing.
A text to your best friend or therapist – ideally both.
A cigarette? So long as nobody thought I meant stress-eat a bread roll. The roll stands for ‘rock and roll’. Think about what Kate Moss would do. What would the Fonz do? Before action is taken make sure your next move is badass af.
And then we come to the response.
It’s hard without knowing the imaginary circumstance and it’s also hard not knowing if you actually care or not. Recently I had that thing with Hat Man, and another thing with this gym guy I’ve been seeing. He was off on holiday and was supposed to see me before he left but told me he couldn’t as he had to do the following:
Visit his mum.
Visit his nan.
Visit his dad.
Dude, you’re going on a six-night skiing holiday not climbing Mount fckin Everest. It’s great you appreciate your family but what guy has to do the rounds before a holiday and picks that over getting laid? Why is he doing the rounds?
The angered me, of course, and so naturally I wanted to throw my phone against the wall after I’d texted him calling him a sad little bedwetter.
But I didn’t. I did the above. Stop drop and roll…
I took time out and I realised this guy just wets the bed and as such, he’s not for me. So now I’m just ignoring him rather than showing myself up and breaking my phone.
Then we have the Hat Man situation, which I really didn’t need to find any way of coping with properly as it was frankly hilarious.
After a few hours in both those scenarios and from taking time out, I realised I didn’t actually care. I mean, the gym guy one annoyed me more, but essentially I wasn’t really bothered. That came through taking time out, so I was glad I hadn’t reacted to either situation because I’d have made it look like I did care, when I really didn’t.
So take some time then carefully devise your response. I’d go with any of the following but feel free to give me a real scenario on the Ask Me page and I can tell you exactly how to respond. Most of these apply for all situations:
Text the word: “Lol”.
Remove your chewing gum and place it on their forehead.
Delete their number and all channels of communication.
Fck their dad.
Answer their call and simply laugh for a full minute.
Never ever write out or send a text in anger or when outraged, you do not want to be losing your dignity because once it’s gone it’s near on impossible to get back.
Remember the rules, also my editor here at LostItGirl said the term “stop drop and roll” is also used for people who get all set on fire. Who fckin knew? So it’s double handy, because if you’re going to set the guy on fire you can yell that advice at him through the flames…
But also, don’t set him on fire, instead why not make a small but safe bonfire and burn all his fckin stuff?