Why talk about feelings?
My least favourite things are feelings and emotions. What, pray tell, do these feelings and emotions get you in the end? Pain, suffering and – in general – a substantial amount of shit. But that’s just my opinion.
Despite this, feelings and emotions are definitely out there, thriving. People have shit loads of them, and what’s more, some aren’t scared to show them.
Sometimes I have small feelings or emotions when someone like Taylor Swift or Drake puts out music… Then I take their feelings and emotions in their lyrics and write them on my social media accounts as though they were my own. Just kidding…
Feelings are the topic of today’s piece because unfortunately my boyfriend who’s poor so is not my boyfriend but basically is my boyfriend has been around for a period of time which means that we’ll soon likely have to talk about our ‘feelings’ with each other.
It’s come up vaguely twice when we’ve been super drunk but I don’t really recall. One sentence I think he used was “I’ll never tell you I love you, even if I did love you I wouldn’t tell you…” Yeah, deep. I wanted to avoid this, but also I didn’t know wtf he was talking about so I said “Wtf are you talking about?” and he said some shit about how I told him early on “I don’t like him or anyone” and that “all that love shit grosses me out”… I zoned out after a while.
Then in the daytime I said to him “I think there might be something wrong with me, because I don’t have any feelings either way, am I just incapable of human emotions?” And he burst out laughing and said: “You’re the Grinch, yeah, but you’re not that bad” which was kind of cute cause my gbff would have said “Yes you are a sociopath.”
Anyway, it will no doubt come up again soon so I thought I’d come up with some fun ways to avoid face to face feelings:
“Blah blah blah blahhhh” (with dismissive hand movements)
An oldie but a classic.
The light jog
Footwear dependent of course.
“Oh didn’t you know I have throwacitis?”
“And I love you…rrrr watch. Is it new? Is it fckin vintage?”
You may have diverted but it will only be for a short moment so then follow up with questions about their fave football team.
Use with caution. If they’re obsessed with you, it might backfire, but usually they will run.
“I’m actually married, I have a whole family in South London who depend on me”
Have to keep a family photo in your bag of your imaginary family.
“How do I feel? Great question, ok so is it hot in here? It’s hot in here isn’t it? I’ll get some water, do you want some water? Wanna see a magic trick?”
Then just fckin disappear.