You’re in love

My Life | July 23, 2017 | By

No, I’m fckin not.

Have you ever experienced a guy telling you any of the following things before? Hat Guy keeps saying all of these statements to me:

“Oh you’re in love aren’t you?”

“Oh wow, she’s got it bad.”

“Stop getting feelings…”

Get the fck out of my face, I feel the exact opposite of all those things.

All I’ve done to provoke these statements is said something innocent, like:



“I once had a dog.”


“Isn’t Britney great?”

It’s bugging the shit out of me. I’m just acting normal and he’s making it into a big thing. He’s making a non-thing a thing, and it’s so annoying. Stop making things that aren’t things into things. It’s super weird and unnecessary.

I do this face a lot when he does it ? and go very quiet, because how I respond is very important and I’ve not worked out how I should yet. So I just go quiet af.

His new thing is that he’s now telling me he’s going to dump me after my birthday. Cute. Quick question, he’s constantly telling me we aren’t a thing, so I don’t know how you can dump nothing? Will be fun to watch I guess.

Also, he talks about how many other girls he has on the go. He doesn’t. Or at least I don’t think he does, or maybe it’s just that I don’t actually care…


Why would someone you are just very loosely seeing talk about being in love so very early? My friends and I put that question into a spidergraph and these answers came out of the bubble in the middle.

It’s because they are in love after knowing you for two months.

It’s because they have begun developing very strong feelings.

It’s because they are super into themselves and are just assuming you find them impossible to resist.

Texting back has given them the wrong idea.

They just want to know your response to gauge how you feel.

They are ill.

I guess it could be any of them really.

I fully understand he is joking, but jokes can sometimes mask the truth.

For instance, the other day I told a girl her eyebrows were offending me. But I said ‘lol’ afters so she would think I was joking. But I wasn’t joking, she had stupid eyebrows.

And I told Hat Guy I liked him and wanted to see him on my birthday, then said ‘lol’ afters so he thought it was a joke, which it wasn’t because actually I wanted to see him. I wanted to see him since I know he will get me a gift. He’s already got me gifts for no reason, so he totally will for an official occasion.

For me, jokes can sometimes mask the real meaning. So Hat Guy either thinks I’ve fallen in love, which trust me I have not, and will not; or he’s fallen in love and is trying to make a joke of it.

I need to work on responses for all these ‘jokey’ comments. These are the responses I’ve come up with. Feel free to come back to this for inspiration:

Jokes and Responses

Jokey comment:

“Ah, you’re in love with me aren’t you?”


“No, you fck. I’m just bored.”


“Yes, I’m glad you’ve brought it up. I was wondering how best to tell you.”

Jokey comment:

“You all in ya feelings over me…”


“What are feelings?”


“I’ve been feeling that you should meet my mum. She knows all about you.”

Jokey comment:

“Ahhh you got it bad haven’t you?”


“Yeah, for someone else.”


“I badly want to go in a relationship on Facebook.”

Jokey comment:

“I got so many girlfriends, I’ve got no time for you.”


“Bet I’ve got more boyfriends, you asshole.”


“I know, I’m following them all on Instagram.”

To Conclude

To conclude, some jokes aren’t jokes. If you want to know how somebody is feeling, maybe just ask them. If you’re all up in your feelings pretty early, get a grip of yourself and ffs hold it down. And don’t drop the ‘L word’ before the three-month mark, because it’s bullshit, you can’t be in love with someone after three months.

My therapist taught me that we all show a different face at the beginning and suck you in before revealing the true face. The mask will not slip within three months, so no love before then.

But if you must say it, don’t say it first. If I do fall in love with Hat Guy I’m just going to write it in raw bacon and sausages on his bed and cover it with the duvet. I’ll say ‘lol’ when he climbs into bed, but which part will be the joke?

The ‘lol’.




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