Accepting a roasting

What’s better than a roast?

Owning it comes in many guises. But never is it more important than when on the receiving end of a roasting from your friends. Going on the defensive is a repugnant endeavour; owning it, embracing it; well that’s just a lesson in chic.

When your friends are roasting you for whatever stupid embarrassing thing you’ve done, it’s imperative that you take it like a good little LostItGirl – or boy.

Here’s my example:

When I was roasted for my pathetic attempt at trying to talk to the help, it was four against one. Four witnesses to what I’d done. I had no chance of a reasonable defence and nothing in the locker. I just had to laugh, accept it and actually just join in with the roasting. Hey! I deserved it.

But not everyone can be chic like that.

For instance, that very same night a second roasting was on the cards for another member of the group. And he made quite the faux pas.

He was taking our friend’s number so we could all meet at the beach the next day, and when she called his phone it came up that he already had the number saved – as “Fit Heather”.

Of course the rapturous roasting began and it was all he could do to immediately go on the defensive, vehemently expressing that it “was years ago”. His weak attempt at justification simply served to make the roasting more intense. That heat got turned all the way up.

This guy, OMG, he got so defensive that he spent the next 20 minutes searching through his conversations to prove when they first spoke (he never found one). He got red faced in his denial, voices were raised, a vein popped out, whilst we all just laughed more and roasted more.

Perhaps he was right, perhaps he did save her under that tragic name many years ago, but really, who the fck cares? His tragic attempt to justify something so tame only made him look guiltier.

And you know what? If he had just shrugged at the moment and said “Yep, she is fit, what of it?” Nobody would have remembered it and brought it up for the next five days straight and he would have had a very pleasant next few days. Alas, that was not the journey he opted for.

Even if the roasting is unjust, it’s best just to take it.

When being caught out in a lie, it is only the angry who make themselves look guilty.

Example 1:

Girl: “Did you cheat on me?”

Defensive Guy: “Will you believe me if I say no?”

Girl: “No.”

Relaxed Guy: “Ok then, yeah sure. Fck it. And I’d do it again.”

Example 2:

Girl: “Did you cheat on me?”

Defensive Guy: “Omg no no way as if!” (overcompensating)

Girl: “Bullshit”

Defensive Guy: “No! Serious I didn’t, I fckin didn’t! Fck you!”

Girl: “You seem rather angry and defensive for someone who didn’t?”

Defensive Guy: “It’s because I fckin didn’t ok!?”

Girl: “Your anger suggests you’re just mad you got caught out.”

Defensive (now single) Guy: *Throws phone*

I just think it’s easier to say yes to whatever you’re being roasted for or accused of. In cases that occur at work, when I’m told I’m shit, which is often the case, I just go: “Yeah cool, I’ll try to do better!”

What’s the point in arguing? You can’t ever ever change someone’s mind or opinion with just words these days, so why bother? Some people have an opinion of you before you’ve even met them, and I say that’s fine. Let them.

In fact, whatever you think of me, whatever you’ve heard… double it.