Beyoncé – The Formation World Tour
Firstly for regular readers of LostItGirl this blog will contain zero sarcasm, zero comedic GIFs, and overall, zero ‘bantz’. This is serious.
I’m about to delve into the world of Beyoncé and I’m so fckin obsessed with her complete perfection that I can see no room for jokes.
I went to the first night of the Formation World Tour at Wembley. Well, oh my…
Firstly, as an indication of how much I loved it let me say that I entered Wembley Stadium on 84% battery and when I left I was on 82%. To put that into perspective with say Rihanna or Coldplay, both of whom I’ve seen recently in the same stadium, it went from 84% down to 22% real quick. Does that indicate the power of Bey?
She had my attention.
Wembley Stadium was completely rammed, and of course I wore yellow. I thought everyone would, but they did not so I was super happy.
The show starts with huge cube screens showing her face. And what a face, I know nobody who could tire of that face. And then it’s straight into ‘Formation’. Immediately everyone died, but came straight back to life so we didn’t miss a single second.
She slays the fck out of formation, the noise is on another level from the crowd, and then it’s into ‘Sorry’. She literally showed no concern for anyone’s heart rate. Luckily for me I don’t smoke or eat red meat so I didn’t pass out from the excitement of it all.
She started the show off wearing black, and her costumes aren’t even that different to those of her dancers. They don’t need to be, she doesn’t need to stand out, you don’t look at anything else anyway.
The dancers are world class of course, as is her dancing ability. I’ve always said if a pop star doesn’t dance in 2016 then don’t bother spending £2 grand or whatever it costs to go watch it. People say it’s not possible to dance and sing? Well Beyoncé pisses all over that theory.
She smashes out loads from ‘Lemonade’ and her other many hits and it all becomes a blur. I was writing notes in my phone to try to remember so I could tell you, so forgive me if it lacks accuracy in the running order but I was honestly just too mesmerised. As was everyone. My brother said to me he thought Beyoncé was “just a girl thing,” he’s so wrong.
There was a couple to my left and the guy was literally losing his shit to ‘Who run the world’.
It was nice to see him enjoying himself, I mean I’d personally have dumped him immediately but hey, it’s her life, if she’s ok with her boyfriend going ham at Beyoncé then who am I to judge? Point is there’s no way a guy wouldn’t enjoy it.
There were many couples around us. I think this tweet sums up my thoughts on that.
Fck taking a boyf to the Beyoncé gig. He'd never wanna drill you again. She is fvkin GOD I swear.
— Toni Phillips (@toniphillipsTP) July 2, 2016
I wouldn’t have taken Ramsey Street or the footballer. I had a lucky break that he’s still in France. I mean what was I thinking? As if I could’ve taken the footballer to watch Bey.
You can’t compete with her. She makes you want to give up being a girl. I literally need to grow a penis. What’s the point of being a girl if you ain’t even remotely near Beyoncé’s level.
She has a great body, perfect hair, the vocal ability of any of the greats, and a perfect face. She’s a little bit hood mixed with a little bit princess. I get why the internet broke when Beyoncé sneezed. It was just proof that she’s a human.
She even catered for the UK crowd by doing a little dance to Skepta. Oh so you’re nice too? FS. Is there no end to her perfection? See what I mean?? What’s the point in being a girl?
Later she came out in a cloak and did ‘Don’t hurt yourself’ which I love too much. She straddled what was basically a penis, whilst being a penis in the classiest way possible. It’s almost like some kind of fallic shaped piece of art that looks like it came out of the Louvre. She rode that shit and it’s so hot but not in any way slutty or desperate. She makes everything appear classy.
She did ‘Love on top’ a cappella. I’m talking the high notes bareback, not hidden under the veil of backing singers or a single instrument. She just casually strutted around the stage singing it and hitting those notes like it was a walk in the park on a summer’s day. Making it look and sound effortless. She’s actually a phenomenal being.
She is out of this fckin world. The voice, the vocal, the passion, the look, all of it. She even did a nod to Prince, which was both classy and chic and was made to be about him not her. This is rare in a pop star. I guess a pop star of that magnitude has no need to be self-obsessed and narcissistic like you see with so many Z-lister pop stars. There was no ego in sight.
Then the latex went on for the ending (like she hadn’t acted like a big enough sort already). I mean I had a boner along with every other guy and girl in the vicinity.
I totally thought Kendrick was going to come on but he did not. I would have liked that being as he was in the UK at the time, but this is by no means a complaint. I was struggling to deal enough as it was, so that probably would’ve ended me.
She is one of a kind. There is thought and utter professionalism in every aspect of the show. She acts like she wants to be there and she doesn’t keep you waiting very long during costume changes. She cares about the audience and she has enough talent to be able to do none of the above and get away with it. And yet she does it all. She leaves nothing on the stage, she gives it everything. And THAT’S why she is called Queen B.
Also, my hero Victoria Beckham was watching that night too. We’ve now officially breathed the same air, so naturally I’m on a complete hype. Here’s me when I got home fully drunk on lemonade after watching the best show ever ever.