Oh Beyoncé. You have been hurt. You have been hurt by somebody, that much is clear. Who hurt you b? Who hurt you??
Said like this:

 Jay Z has clearly been dipping his pen in the Tidal ink, or any ink he can get. Especially Becky’s. Whoever that bitch is.
So Beyoncé has released ‘Lemonade’ to the expected fanfare anything Beyoncé does ensures. Sadly it wasn’t a new low-calorie sugar-free drinks range, no, it was an album with a visual quality. But to be honest a drinks range would have been hilarious, the “Bey Hive” would have gone ballistic. I mean they’d swiftly have run down to the local Kwiki-Mart and overdosed on it, but they’d still have been most disappointed that it wasn’t music. But it’s ok, because ‘Lemonade’ is an album.
So to the review… Firstly it’s evident Jay Z is a filthy cheat, and listen – if Beyoncé can’t keep a man faithful there is precisely no way any of the rest of us females can. I mean seriously you sisters don’t gotta chance. But to be honest, I’m already fully aware that a man will never ever be faithful. It’s just not in their nature. If you weren’t aware of this fact, I’m sad to say you’re an idiot. All guys cheat, I learned this from my daddy aged 5, and I wouldn’t except anything less. The end.


Obviously that’s what happened with Jay Z and it confirms what we all knew anyway regarding Solange going bat-shit crazy in the lift. It wasn’t because Jay had just told her she’s the uglier and talentless, boring sister of a fckin queen, as some at first thought, she must have heard about Hov and his infidelity. Foolish girls, what did they expect? It’s 2016, we’ve discussed it before. They cheat. How did that come as a shock?

The Becky with the good hair (which is a lyric of B’s in ‘Sorry’) who was obviously the female Jay Z slammed in to is supposedly Rachel Roy. The Bey Hive swiftly trolled. I don’t feel bad though, she deserved it, she made a mean dig on her Instagram. So bitchy.

The Music

There’s a couple of tracks to which I suppose some might attach words like “ballad”, “beautiful”, “moving” and other creepy words I hate. I wasn’t that into them. I’m obsessed with “Don’t hurt yourself”, it’s my fave. It’s with Jack White and she sounds like him, it’s very ‘White Stripes’ and cool as fck, and she totally destroys Jay Z in it. It’s nice that she used a great tune to expose his misdemeanours. ‘Sorry’ is a musical classic. It’s spectacular and lyrically “she’s not sorry”, and it’s funny, because neither am I. I’ve never said sorry and meant it. Also she says suck my balls which is super chic. I’d suck Beyoncé’s balls.
‘Hold up’ is fun. She doesn’t know what’s worse, jealous or crazy. I’d say jealous. ‘Crazy’ is so fun, it’s got a good laid back summer-jam Caribbean-vibe, plus horns as though Tim Westwood was in the studio pressing buttons all over it and they just forgot to take them out in the edit.
‘6 inch’ with The Weeknd is exactly how you would imagine it being. I think we all knew the outcome of that one. Same with ‘Freedom’ with Kendrick. They have a style and like fck they were gonna change it.
I can already hear the remix of ‘Forward’ with James Blake. That will be turned into a laid back dance tune. I’m sure DJ Snake or someone will be working on that as I blog.
There are only a few issues anybody can have with it. For some reason it doesn’t sound right when she swears. And as an album which is supposed to be her cutting loose and laying into her asshole of a man, it’s not as good as Rihanna’s. But that’s just my personal opinion. Some people like Salt & Vinegar crisps, some like Cheese & Onion, it’s just the way it goes. But really they need to ask themselves, should I be eating these at all??