Big deal

Damn, I’ve got me so bored of being surrounded by big deals. I’m subjected on a daily basis to numerous narcissists, who are frankly so obsessed with themselves they really can’t see anything or anyone else in front of them. The egos I see on people are so fckin unattractive I find it hard to cope.

I’m extremely self-deprecating, perhaps occasionally verging on the side of too much. But the self-deprecating are chic in my too humble opinion.

Someone who is just so gassed about themselves is just quite gross. Let’s talk about some cases in point:

Gassed about me

I recently told this guy I was on my way to an important meeting. And like a nice guy (not that nice really) he wished me good luck. Cute.

Then, later that day as we spoke again. Do you think he asked me how it went? Don’t be silly now. He just told me all about himself and how fckin great he is.

How are you?

I was talking to another male who’s actually in a full time relationship with himself when he asked how I was. I didn’t answer and continued with the conversation with which we had begun our correspondence session because at the same time the question came through I was still typing about the previous thing.

Instead of revisiting the “how are you?” question he just continued to explain what a great bloke he is. Me, me, me, me. Do you know why? No, not because he is a great guy (he’s ok, just misguided), but because he simply couldn’t give a fck how/who I am.

The only way this guy would notice I’d dropped dead would be two months after time of recorded passing when he realised he needs an ego boost.

The CV

My next experience of self-absorption came when I was out with some friends, and we were gatecrashed by Mr Buzz Kill himself. He sat down and reeled off his entire CV and attributes as if it were a job interview.

The only job I’d offer him would be to get the fck away from me.

An easier thing for the guy to have done to “prove himself” would have been to remove his penis from his tiny pants and place it on the table whilst simultaneously showing us his bank balance and car keys.

It would have taken less time, ended in fits of giggles, and then me and my girlfriends could have continued our evening. Instead, having been bored half to death at how great he is (not), one of us fell asleep in a vodka tonic, one left and I ended up texting all the douche bags I know simply because it was more fun winding them up then listening to this dude’s whiny shit.

Of course self-confidence is a must, and it can be attractive if it’s done in the right way and only where applicable. Don’t play the big man if you ain’t the big man, man.

Also, sometimes I forget to ask people “how are you?” or if they’ve asked me that I sometimes forget to say: “I’m great and how are you?”

But mainly this is because I don’t care. It’s totally fine to have zero interest in another human. But I ask you this: wouldn’t it be best to just not talk to them?

Instead, run along home and have a nice conversation at yourself in the bathroom mirror.