August has become very draining for me in terms of boys, so I’ve renamed it Boygust (clever, although I think Boregust might be more appropriate – ed).

Alex, who is like this super-hot uber babe that lives with me, fcked off to America for a month and finally this week I got to see her. Usually she gets LostItGirl updates in HD widescreen, full colour direct – every day. What I mean is that I go into her room and tell her pretty much everything each day.

I think we can all imagine the amount of tales I had for her after spending a month apart.

Here I am going to share with you the dialogue of me telling her about my current rotation and her reaction to all of them.

LIG + Ramsey Street

LIG: “Yeah so he messaged after Wireless some melty text about me not talking to him and all that needy shit. I just replied: “Yeah we good.”

“It was cold af and well chic. Anyway we are still seeing each other weekly because the set up’s just too good to stop.”

Alex: Major eye rolling “Well at least don’t go out with him in public ever again.”

LIG: “I definitely won’t.” (I will because he’s a model and it’s not ok how hot he is)

LIG + Guy I’m unable to mention nor nickname so we will just call him Colin

Colin was the one I was with on the last night of Wireless. We hung out in a hotel and it was fun. Since that was the day Alex left, she was quite aware I was going to see him that night so she needed the headlines. I’ve seen him since but just for a very brief “hi” and that shit. I didn’t really ever think about him until Alex asked. I told her how he likes his salad.

Alex: “Oh is that what that is? I heard it in a Nicky Minaj song.”

LIG + Footballer

LIG: “Well, he is doing that hot/cold thing again. He’s actually bored me into not caring. He said he’s going to come and see me soon, but that was two weeks ago and he’s not appeared yet. He never watched my good snap stories but watches the shitshow ones. Life is so unfair Alex. I think all those weekly football games have started again though, so maybe he’s just too busy to message?”

Alex: “I hate him.”

LIG: “I know you do. I don’t though, he’s fit.”

Alex: “Nobody’s too busy to text, and who the fck does he think he is being like that with someone like you. I actually don’t like him at all. He’s not even one of the good footballers, he should be blowing up your phone.”

LIG: “I know. But it legit turns me on that he isn’t, because I’m ill. I’ll win the fcker over when I get in front of him don’t worry.”

Alex: “I hate him.”

LIG + Kisstopher

So Kisstopher is from that party last week. He’s been very texty and wants to take me out, I let Alex read the messages.

Alex: “I like him.”

LIG: “Yeah but he texted me and said: ‘Do you remember kissing me?’ I mean girls say that kind of shit, it’s gross.”

Alex: “Yeah it’s a bit girly, but it’s nice that he’s into you.”

LIG: “Yeah but he quoted back to me some stuff I said. How lame is that?”

Alex: “No it’s lovely he’s showing an interest in you. I really like him.”

LIG: “Yeah whatever.”

LIG + Jack Weed

Jack Weed has been major custard on me. I’d say I didn’t notice, except I did. Generally when someone goes from blowing up your phone all day every day and moving in for three days, to nothing, you tend to notice when they stop. Do I care? I do not. Anyway, I gave her visuals.

Alex: “Nope. This isn’t ok. He has better eyebrows than me. I could never date a guy with better eyebrows than me.”

LIG: “Are you calling my eyebrows fat?”

Alex: “No you’ve got great eyebrows but his are just way too groomed. I don’t hate him though. He’s cute.”

LIG: “Ok well let’s see what happens. He’s bored me to be honest.”

Alex: “Next.”

LIG + Rapper

With this one I just went straight to the visuals.

Alex: “He has a tattoo on his face? I mean this shows a great lack of foresight.”

LIG: “Lol lol lol lol…”

Alex: “Although I did have a major crush on lil’ Wayne once…”

LIG: “You’re ill.”

Alex: “How many kids does he have?”

LIG: “How did you know?”

Alex: “Because he has a face tattoo.”

LIG: “Yeah it’s a problem. Only one kid, but yeah it’s not ideal.”

Alex: “I hate him.”

LIG: “He’s got great chat though, he’s got good game.”

Alex: “Of course he has, it’s his job to have. I don’t want you involved with this one at all. I hate him as much as footballer.”

LIG: “You’re a freakin ball breaker you know.”

LIG + Actor

Again, visuals to start.

Alex: “Is he the one on the left? He’s not the fat one is he?”

LIG: “I’m insulted you’ve asked me that.”

Alex: “Yeah sorry. I forgot who I was talking to. He doesn’t seem your usual type.”

LIG: “I guess not but when he wears a suit it’s really hot, and he is SO funny. I can dine out on funny for ages.”

Alex: “You gonna go on a date with him? You should.”

LIG: “I wasn’t going to because I watched an insta video recorded in his house and I hated the curtains. But yeah I probably will. Also Adi (our friend) knows him and said he’s leary. But I told Adi everyone’s leary around her because she’s fit as fck.”

Alex: “Of course he knows Adi. Hahaha…”

LIG: “Do you think he’s rich? I hate poor people.”

Alex: “Looking at the films he’s made, I’d say no, he’s not.”

LIG: “Hmmm. I don’t like the sound of that. This isn’t really working out for me.”

Alex: “I like the idea of him, go on the date.”


So there’s your update. And just to summarise, not that I need to explain myself to you, I have kissed some of these dudes. But apart from Ramsey Street I am not participating in any sexual intercourse. So shove your judgments up your fat asses. It’s not a crime to talk to people you know…