Britney killed me

Britney killed me

I died this week. But then I came back to life so that I could tell you what the cause of death was.

Britney. Fckin. Spears.

She killed me in front of 1200 people in Camden, London, and she wasn’t even remotely sorry, but then neither was I. It actually gave me life, despite killing me.

As discussed many a time, I am a big fan of Britney, and have been from day one. I’m a ride or die kinda girl, so my loyalty has followed me into my adulthood. Tragic? Yah, but also, is loyalty viewed as being a negative trait? Not really, so I’m of the belief that it’s actually cool.

Being a (semi – ed) intelligent human, I can of course see that she really isn’t the Britney of the past. Her heart simply isn’t in it, her dancing is nowhere near to the level it used to be, but she used to fckin own it. Now she just bumbles through the moves as if strings are attached to her and someone’s controlling her in the manner of a puppet master. Ironically enough someone actually is controlling her. She just wants to be at home with her millions and her kids. Not traipsing to Camden Town to perform for a load of chuffed hootenannies. But she did.

And she actually did put on a decent show, you’d almost be fooled into thinking she was kind of enjoying it. She even spoke about six words in a London accent. And at the beginning she scream swore. She told us to “have a fckin get great time.” 

And we did. She played every hit, apart from the slow ones, but who wants them anyway? Those ones are all about love and that…

She did about 45 costume changes and looked magical in every one. Her figure was banging. I couldn’t deal. My fave outfit was the white one. She was just so good. 

Her back is goals, and I need to make my back look like her back. Also, her hair is like a mermaid which is weird when she was bald like a week ago. I preferred her to Beyoncé. It’s a bold statement I know, but it’s different. Britney’s different.

Did she sing?

The next day around 23 people asked me how it was, and each one asked: “Did she sing?”

I couldn’t slap all 23 people because it’s bad zen, but I couldn’t help wondering why they were being such dicks? Of course she didn’t sing, but so what? She’s Britney fckin Spears! Now get out of my aura zone.

After the best gig of my life, Britney then sadly went on a trail of promotion on the worst television shows available in the UK.

Johnathan Ross instead of Graham Norton…

This Morning

Loose Women

I found this to be a shame.

A much higher calibre is required for the legend that is Britney Spears.

Then she left London, but she didn’t leave my heart.