But you know that you’re toxic…

The big news is that I’ve had to let Mr Sunroof drive off into the sunset, with or without the sunroof open, but definitely without me.

Something I have ALWAYS said over the years is that, when it comes to this kind of fling, it’s all fun and games and really not that deep… until it is. I’ve always said so long as it’s not hurting you or anyone else then go for it; have fun enjoy yourself, embrace that kooky crazy-assed shit, but if it suddenly becomes not fun, that’s when you exit through the gift shop without making a purchase, since you don’t want a fckin reminder.

There’s no way I would come on here and say stuff like that and not adhere to it myself. And in the last week Mr Sunroof stopped becoming fun, and his desire for me not being myself just stopped becoming okay.

It started with a silence

I got the silent treatment for a week straight. I knew it meant I was in trouble and must have done something the last time I was there to be given dead air. So I thought I might as well find out why.

It did use a lot of my energy trying to work out what I’d done wrong which was an indication this was becoming unhealthy.

I was like: “I took my own toothpaste, I didn’t have a drink, I didn’t make the bathroom wet because I barely used it, I didn’t say much…”

Having to analyse my behaviour like that, what a drain of energy. I have enough going on with my current thoughts thinking about Britney Spears’ recent Instagrams. I don’t need this added concern.

I needn’t have wasted my time, because what I’d done wrong this time I’d never have guessed.

I got the silence because I am “fckin too many other guys”.

I don’t know how he came to this conclusion because I really am not. I am brutally honest on here and I really haven’t, his accusation was off the mark.

It meant two days of bickering about it. I told him I wasn’t, he said that they were just words. I said: “Okay I appreciate that, but do I not make you feel like I’m into you when I am with you?”

He said: “No.”

Fair.

Wasn’t much more I could say.

But the bickering wasn’t to end there. At no point did I tell him anything about his personality that I don’t like. That didn’t stop him saying mean things to me though, oh no…

Mr S: “I don’t know how any of your exes put up with you…”

LIG: “They didn’t. I put up with them.”

Mr S: “I can’t fix something that doesn’t know it’s broken.”

LIG: “Do you mean me or your sunroof? If you’re referring to me then that’s frankly a dreadful thig to say to another person.”

Mr S: “It’s you.”

LIG: “Ok.”

Mr S: “I know what you’re about, you’re trouble.”

LIG: “If you don’t like what you see, finish your drink, say thanks and then bye.”

Mr S: “When we break up you’ll look back and think ‘I had a really nice guy there who genuinely cares.’”

LIG: “Bitch you ain’t even make me a green tea in the morning!”

Mr S: “How braggy you are showing off about your house and money doesn’t sit right with me.”

LIG: “Oh you mean my new dress I bought with 70% off and the post I did that said ‘I can’t wait to wear it around my big ass house,’? I’m sorry you don’t approve that I’m excited about the house I worked hard and saved up to buy. Sorry you can’t be happy for me. Oh well. What’s next?”

Mr S: “You will struggle with men.”

LIG: “I already am, dear. I’m juggling three of you at once and it’s quite a chore.”

All this kind of shit is so dangerous, because in and amongst those he was also telling me how great I am.

The worst thing is when a guy holds you up in high regard on a pedestal but keeps kicking the stool out from underneath you.

Also I’m not sure in the first few months of hanging out with someone all this should be happening. It’s really meant to be easy at the start, with sex and good times. Then after you make the commitment to each other all the deep flaws come out.

I wasn’t putting up with all these toxic sentences. I understand where kindness comes from, and where cruelty comes from, so there’s really no excuse to stay around for that. Also, notice how everything was all me? He’s perfect? Remember in a relationship of two it can’t all be one side of the party…

Bye, enjoy your sunroof, because I never did.