As discussed last time out, I went on a date. And the break down of the categories of men I generally meet that I mentioned? This one is a small percentage of all three of those…

I hate this dating shit, so as I’ve said I avoided a relationship and dating for two years because I had an imaginary one I invented in my head. Now I’m back into the real/dating world. I can’t imagine it will last long.

So the guy in question is in the music world. He’s (from what I remember when we met) cute, and he’s definitely nice. I can tell he’s a nice guy. A nice guy? Never dated one of those.

Nice Guys Can't Fuck

It’s true, but they will open doors for you.

Forget the date

I imagined I wouldn’t like it so spent the day of the date thinking of ways to mess it up, before swiftly forgetting I even had a date at all because all my friends were out and that occupied my mind. Plus I saw a really cute handbag that day and it was all I could think about.

So I went out at 4pm, and my outfit was whatever, because I just really don’t care. I had no need to pull out my “guaranteed fck outfits”. My interest in dating is at zero, but at least the date guy was someone I met in a traditional manner and not a total sex pest from a dating app.

I decided the best thing to do would be to get completely trashed. Yep. That should surely screw it up? Cool.

Dating Story

So I started drinking with my friends Ant and Mike. Then we went to a different venue and Georgie was in there. I told her I would only be out for a few hours because I’m going on a date. I began telling her about him and she told me a dating story of her own. I immediately decided I’m not going to go. Dating isn’t for me. Plus all my friends were out and I’d rather be with them.

It’s not like I’m desperate, I have no urgency to start dating I’m just doing it because I can’t avoid it anymore. So I’m like: “Fck it Georgie, I’m not gonna bother seeing him.”

So then some harsh words were spoken, which as by now I was fully pissed, I don’t recall, but I know she basically wasn’t going to allow me to bail out on the date.

He texts, I pin

So then he texted to say he’s going to come get me. I pin him where I am, I make no suggestion of meeting him on mutual ground. No. If he wants to see me, he can turn up at the place I am, surrounded by all my friends, and come and get me. Let’s see how he deals with that. Probably not well, so then I can hate him and get out of the date. This should be done in an hour. Cool.

No. Naturally he turns up and wins everyone over within four minutes. FS. And I’ll be honest, it was pretty attractive. Especially when he only had one drink and said: “Come on, I’m taking you out of here now.”

Forceful. Super hot.

So we left and the fresh air confirmed what I already knew: I’m pissed.

When I’m pissed it’s so easy for me to act like a super lostit asshole, so I should be able to fck this up within the hour and go back and see my friends and be a shit show with them.

I was wrong.

We Ate

He took me for some food, which was only ever going to sober me up. So I immediately ordered a drink as soon as we sat down to avoid this. I deliberately didn’t even consider food, but he just ordered something for me anyway which I have to admit is very badass. And he’s bilingual. God I love a guy who doesn’t speak just one stupid language. This was simply not going to plan. I actually liked the dude? Fck. “But it’s ok,” I thought, “I’ve got tons of tricks to screw it up in the bank.”

So we talked and talked about music and I was interested in literally everything he was saying. He’s cool as fck on this subject. It’s like he Googled my name and all the things I like and think, and then said them back to me. FS why is this happening? I even ate? I don’t even notice I’ve done it but I did, I ate! I have no idea what I ate. But I know I ate.

Then he took me to a kinda private “only rich and famous people know about this place” kind of place.

We Drank

We had braggy cocktails and the worst thing ever happened. He was funny. This is a major problem. One way to a LostItGirl’s heart is to be hilarious. It’s dangerous.

He was so funny and he found me funny and we laughed so much. Which I love.

This was a problem. But I knew how to deal with it. If I could get him to take me dancing, there was a good plan in place.

So I demanded we go dancing.

He says: “I’ll take you to The Box.

Only super cool people can get into The Box. Plus it’s basically a club with strange looking people doing strange looking sex things. It’s like a table and a show kinda place? I didn’t want to go there. It wasn’t likely to work with my plan of screwing up the date. So I’m like: “I wanna go somewhere indie scenester to dance. Take me to the east.”

And so he did. We got a car east, to some late night club with two floors. No idea what it’s called. But it was perfect for my plan. It was full of indie boys who are all totally beautiful and completely wasted. I had already started talking total shit to try and put him off, but he seemed to find it funny and endearing, not off-putting. So as soon as we got in there I caused some trouble at the bar. He didn’t care? He kinda laughed and told me off and it was fine.

This guy was not going down easily (I imagine that’s something he had in mind for you – ed).

I danced

So then I was dancing about as if I was in a music video. Obviously this gets all the guys attention, and it wasn’t long until one slid up. He was cute, we talked, I got bored because he was like Greek or Spanish and I just wasn’t in the mood to answer questions about London and ask some back about whatever country.

Date was amusing himself elsewhere, but I know he saw. He had a shit show on his hands and he couldn’t let me out of his sight.

Anyway, next! It wasn’t long until the next one came along. Now this one was fit. This will do. So we talked and I’m sure he was boring. Then he asked for my phone number. As if. As if you ask for digits that quickly. But I wanted to wind up my date because I am a self-destructive bitch and just not ready for the dating world.

It turned out ok. Fate or whatever that bollocks is was on my side. He pulled out his phone, and it was a Nokia from out of the 1990’s. I immediately laughed hysterically. Who the hell can take someone that doesn’t have an iPhone seriously? Particularly if it’s a Nokia from 1994. Let’s leave things from the past exactly there. But oh I did enjoy it. I totally rinsed the guy, naturally.

“Wtf is that bit of kit from the 90’s you got there mate?”

“What’s your high score on snake?”

“Vintage is great mate, and I’m sure your Gola bag is pretty ace, but leave it at the threads me old mate.”

We boned

Eugh, then I quickly bored and so I laughed a bit more in his face, flicked my hair and went back to my date. He was in no way deterred by my behaviour. In fact he was laughing. He was amused by me. I mean yeah, I wasn’t being serious and I was purely trying to wind him up and test him. But that’s not the point. He wasn’t meant to know that and find it funny. He was meant to hate me and never want to see me again. All my attempts failed, so I went home and we boned.

I’d wanted to screw it up. I wanted it to be the worst date ever. Maybe then I could just plod along in delusion still. With a guy that doesn’t even remember me. I could do another two years of that waste of time. But actually, it turns out there’s some really decent guys out there who actually enjoy my company. Who genuinely want to spend time with me and who I have lots in common with and are funny and nice and stuff. Who knew?

It was a good date and I’m getting better at this dating shit. But naturally I won’t rule out any offers of other dates just yet. For this reason here.


My friend Nyssa sent it to me. It’s good isn’t it? And so terribly true.

But I’ll totally see that guy again, he handled me like a pro, and many can’t. They simply can’t deal. He could.