Exes

Rihanna and Drake were both out in Abu Dhabi for the F1 Grand Prix. This is a yearly event where everyone with money goes to celebrate having money whilst a load of cars whizz round in the background. It’s like a child scalextric party. But for adults. Rich ones.

Rihanna was booked to play and Drake was gonna join her on stage. How cute? Yes, except they’ve broken up and now hate each other because they spent the whole time avoiding each other. Which is what we’d all do.

I once bought a 20 quid round in the local Wetherspoon’s (that’s a lot of drinks in there) and when my ex walked in I bolted without touching a drop. That’s not because I hate 87% of my exes, I’m not bothered, I just feel utterly repulsed at the sight of them so find it best to leave. those drinks would have been consumed but then swiftly decanted onto the Wetherspoon’s floor, although it’s doubtful anyone would have noticed tbf.

Rihanna avoided him at all costs before collecting her hundred thousand pound cheque and then fcking off to Barbados to hang out with some prince.

rihanna-harry-1

Awesome.

And now to Bella and The Weeknd. So Bella is walking in the 2016 Victoria Secrets fashion show. Weeknd is performing. A week after they split up. Oh dear. We all know it’s gonna go one of two ways:

Weeknd’s gonna cop an eye full of Bella looking a million bucks in next to nothing and wonder wtf his problem is and try to get back with her, or he’s gonna fck one of the other angels. Anyone’s guess which way it was gonna go. But quite how he isn’t a pillar of salt after this moment is anyone’s guess.

bella

She’s so badass. All that was missing was a custard pie. She’s perfected the: “OMG I pity you…” look. This look says “Really?”

And she’s done that whilst wearing minimal clothing. So chic. Go Bella!

Exes – we’ve all got them. It’s how you make the exit that counts… Firmly close the door and go more ghost than Casper. And when faced with them, get that “Really?” look perfected…

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