Girl obsession 

The other morning I had to ask my friend Arianna if I was perhaps gay. I had just had a dream where I was dating a girl, and although it wasn’t a sexual dream per se, because I don’t recall us having sex in it, it was certainly enough to pique my interest.

I am sorry, I realise I’m discussing a dream and we all know that listening to other people’s dreams is one of the single most boring things ever. I didn’t go into detail as I didn’t really remember it, but the take home message from it was that I was gay. So I asked Arianna if I she thought I was indeed a lesbian. Here’s a bit how that conversation went:

LIG: “If I have a sex dream about a girl should I explore being a lesbian? I don’t know who she was and it wasn’t a full on sex dream, but it was definitely me being a lesbian…”

Arianna: “Well maybe you should try. Why not? You’d suit a Ruby Rose.”

I don’t know who Ruby Rose is. I think it may be a brand of vibrator or a lipstick shade.

After that I just carried on living my life.

I’ve kissed girls, but then I’ve also kissed my gay best friend every week. I just really, really like kissing I guess. And also it’s a super good face work out. Google it.

So kissing isn’t actually a big deal to me, it’s just whatever. I don’t think I’m gay at all, in fact I’m definitely not, which is a shame, a shame for girls.

However, I do totally love girls even if I don’t want to have sex with them. Girls are really great. Here are some of my girl obsessions, just to really nail home that point…

Britney Spears

Nobody can walk like Britney. Have you ever seen Britney walk on stage? It’s so cool. I walk around my house like her, although I don’t walk like her in public down the street because I usually have a handbag and it wouldn’t have the same impact. Mostly my obsession begun back in 1999. I’ve watched Britney Spears on Wakiki Beach Hawaii around 567 times. I’ve also learned every single move to the show. To be honest I’d probably have sex with Britney. Not now, but Britney circa slave for you. I’d love to be her friend though, you just know you could get her to do anything you wanted. Like: “Britney dance on that table in your underwear.”

She so would. I love Britney.

Kylie Jenner

We all know about my current girl obsession. I don’t have the answers as to why. It’s weird, and I know this. I’ve seen that she’s replaced her whole face and her whole body and also she’s pretty unintelligent and very boring. And yet I am obsessed with everything she does, says, touches and makes. I keep all my Kylie lip kits still in their boxes. I watch all her Snapchats on the regular in full and I don’t even watch my own friends’. If she cooks a macaroni cheese in her snap story I’ll have the same thing for dinner too. If she cooks a grilled cheese sandwich as a snack I’ll do the same – despite my strict no-bread diet. It makes me fat for two weeks afterwards and I have to starve myself to fix it, but I don’t care because I felt like Kylie for five minutes. It’s ill. I’m not well at all, but at least I’m aware of it.

I also like Gigi and Bella Hadid and the Olsens and I like some of my girl friends too. I probably wouldn’t sleep with any of them, but having said that, after some tequila and a Xanax you can never say never…

Girls are really cool.