I quit Snap

I feel like I need to either quit Snap, or go to Snap skool.

I was in this terrible club at the weekend, and it was so terrible I’m unclear how I didn’t cry. But I didn’t, you know me, I’ll always make the best of a bad situation. On this night, I did that with shots.

I met these two guys, I’m not 100% clear on what it is they do being as I’d never heard of them, but everybody else has.

It turns out they have super massive followings on socials. I personally tend to keep myself to myself, I only got Facebook two months ago, which I hate using, I don’t watch TV, I avoid sites like the Daily Mail with the same stealth I apply to avoiding carbs.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m clueless, but I want to be. In case you don’t get it, I want to be clueless because a world all of your own is a much nicer place.

So these dudes were there and then the next day, completely out of character for me, I watched their stories on Snap. If you’re a regular at LostItGirl you’ll know I don’t concern myself with even some of my best friend’s stories, tweets or even texts. So me watching what are essentially strangers’ stories is kind of a big deal.

But I’m glad I did. It taught me a lot. It taught me I am really bad at Snap. The only people on Snap I’ve ever watched were not indeed people. More of a person. I’ve only ever watched Kylie Jenner because of my mild obsession with her. Other than that I had no idea how people were living their life through Snap. I just Snap away as myself being a total asshole that very few people understand (I’m an acquired taste).

But these guys, I guess are comedians, except I don’t think they do stand up. I’m not sure what they do really, but I know part of what they do is being hilarious in 10 second clips. It’s a feat harder than you’d think.

My Story

I realised I was doing Snap so, so wrong. My story is like this:

Play some music and pout at the phone.

Take a selfie or video with a Snap filter and say something mildly funny.

Snap my outfit and say something mildly funny to boring (depends on the outfit).

Arrive at the office I visit (these Snaps can range daily. They can be funny, or just plain dull).

Take the piss out of some music.

J’adore some music.

Go to the gym and, depending on my current BMI, Snap it or not.

If I’m out, Snap the whole evening and show everyone what a shitshow I am.

If I’m indoors, Snap nothing until bed time when I will Snap me in bed and write something dull.

And repeat.

Every day I’m shuffling

Every day is different, but that’s just an average day so you can get the general understanding of how I am on Snapchat.

But these guys have full on production. I’m talking props, the lot. They are like small (straight to DVD) movies. But they are good. And people freaking love them.

I looked at one of their phones and the views are mind blowing. The messages are insane. I mean I’d be hard pressed to get that kind of following as I don’t tell anyone my name and around 13 people have an interest in me or what I’m saying (apart from on here of course).

My plan was to stalk these dudes on Snapchat and basically copy everything they do, but do it hotter. Sadly, I just simply don’t have the time, the production levels would be draining on me. In fact, fck snap skool. And also, no. No I’m not going to quit the Snap, it’s the only place I’m allowed to live my life in privacy. Although these people are making money out of it, which is an attractive outlook for me. I need to think about it.

Money Maker

FYI, I thought about it and I suppose I could try some of the following to get money from Snapchat:

Getting naked

Having multiple diva strops in public places

Dressing animals in human clothes on the reg

Conducting readings from the bible

Doing a cooking show (gluten free, fat free, basically size zero recipes etc etc) naked

But none of that really sounds funny does it?

These 2016 struggles. I mean srsly…