Incapable of love?
Some stuff has happened recently with my friends:
One got engaged.
Two got married.
Two got into relationships.
I’ve got loads of other friends, so please don’t worry, but as I thought about it I realised that all those friends who have got themselves tied up into these arrangements share something in common: they did it organically. Properly gluten-free, low sodium, no artificial preservatives.
What I mean is that they met the other person required to make up a relationship naturally. They met, went on dates, and it progressed into what it is now; a really chic relationship.
A second thing they share is that they’re really nice and stable and met other really nice, stable people. This is the journey I want for these friends. It suits them well, because they’re not me. But yesterday I did think to myself: “I wonder what that’s like? Would I like all that stuff?”
I thought about it and it just doesn’t really suit me. It’s not for everyone. People say it’s meant to be, but is it? Is love actually just a really great marketing campaign? Well, yeah of course. But I was thinking that maybe we’re all designed to be like wildlife; just running around sucking and fckin whatever’s around. I for one know that in a relationship I’m not really myself, and I’ve never really been happy in one. I just don’t think it’s something that would work for me.
As soon as a nice guy comes within a metre of me, I look at him and I’m instantly bored. I can’t imagine having to listen to someone’s boring day, I can’t imagine texting someone and saying “What do you want for dinner?”, I can’t imagine not cheating. I can’t imagine a relationship. Is that tragic? Or is it the opposite?
Of course, I’m definitely a product of our time, and a product of my own environment? I’ve been to three of my own parents’ weddings (that was by age 19), which hardly sets a precedent for relationships and loyalty.
I suppose I could try to meet someone who isn’t a millionaire, famous, ex-famous or an ex-millionaire. I could try to meet someone stable and nice but it just doesn’t work for me. I don’t work in that scenario, it doesn’t work for everyone. I mean I tried normal with EDF, and look how that ended.
I couldn’t possibly ever feel judged though, but I know that some girls feel super judged if they’re single. They get all Bridget Jones about shit. I know one girl who keeps herself as a side bitch with a guy who isn’t even rich or nice, but she stays with him through a fear of being ridiculed at being aged 28 and single.
This is why I just keep a rotation of utter twats, it works for me, plus if we let judge fckin Jane judge us into stupid relationships because it’s what society expects, well I’d still be with EDF and probably dead inside, and imagine the prick you’d still be with? Don’t look too pretty does it?
Having said all that, after my Cold Turkey triumph, I’m now partaking in STOPtober.
Am I going vegan? Giving up alcohol? No, no, I’m stopping talking to all of my current rotation because I want an upgrade to a new, slightly nicer rotation… it’s really not going well.
More on that some other time.