It’s Britney bitch

An ode to Britney

Nobody says baby the way you say baby,

Fancy dress I look to you and everything you’ve ever worn,

I hated snakes until you Britney.


I put your poster on my wall to remind myself not to get fat,

I learned all your dance moves and they made me better in bed,

My loyalty to you has cost me well in to the tens of thousands,

You said you eat cheese grits, I had some shipped over to be like you,

I regret it, but I don’t regret you.


But then Britney,

You let a fat caravan of a man destroy you,

You lashed out with an umbrella,

You shaved off your hair,

You cried on a pavement cradling a dog called London,

You turned to prescription meds,

Now you can’t talk, you can’t dance, you can’t speak,

You move like a robot and you talk like a book with missing pages.


Why? I know why…


But Britney, I will still buy everything you put your name on,

My poster is still up, but on the wardrobe door now,

I listen to any song you put out and pretend to like it,

I still want to smell you even though I know you’ll smell of KFC, Cheetos and an ice latte.


Other people pretend to love you like I do,

I hate them.


Other people love you more than I do,

It’s weird and creepy and I hate them too.



So Brit is everywhere at the moment. She did the VMAs, she’s playing in Camden (wtf?), she’s got a new album out, plus she did carpool karaoke with Gavin & Stacey, which I’m not ready to talk about yet.

We will discuss the VMAs soon, maybe I won’t mention Britney as I’m still unsure about the nature of her performance.

We can at least talk about the other people if not. See you then!