Let’s discuss Drake

It’s always fun to talk about Canada’s second biggest pop star (Celine Dion being the first). I only know Celine was a) alive and b) Canadian, because she came up in a question on The Chase the other day – my favourite quiz show.

Anyway back to Drake.

Firstly, although I think Drake is one of those that fall under the ‘accidentally cool’ bracket, he is doing a grand job of it. I went to the NBA once, it was on at the O2 and I was talking to this massive dude from Canada, like he worked for the NBA pretty high up or some shit, and as we were talking I just began to casually lint roll.

He had no idea what the fck I was doing and totally didn’t get the joke at all (side note, lint rolling is actually extremely cool, never ever let standards slip with something as pathetic as fluff. I’ve even blogged about my love of lint rolling here. Give it a click and a read sometime).

So anyway I was like “Seriously don’t you get I’m just taking the piss out of Drake?”

And he laughed. He was like “Yo, don’t nobody care about Drake.”

I looked at him astonished and was like, “But Drake’s cool AF…”

To which he super laughed. I mean it was like I’d told the funniest joke of my life, except I hadn’t. He then went on to say “Yo, Drake ain’t on no cool shit, I’m from Canada and ain’t nobody from Canada take Drake seriously after growing up watching him in (insert shit Canadian show he was in)” – the name eludes me. I’d Google it but I cba, I like my last five Google searches to all include my own name.

Hollyoaks

He started out as an actor in what I can only presume was the UK equivalent of Hollyoaks. And because of this, all credibility is instantly lost. And yeah, I can well imagine that. Like I couldn’t name you a single person from Hollyoaks and if they started to rap, would we all be downloading it? Yeah maybe for a laugh but not in any seriousness. And I mean Kylie did OK out of it, but Jason is rather a different story.

Let's Discuss Drake

Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan were two crap soap stars that became pop stars. One went on to be massive on the gay scene, the other was Jason…

So as you can tell from that tale, Drake is a classic case member of the unintentionally cool gang. He’s a Grade A bedwetter. But nobody notices. How has he managed this? I never see him getting trolled, I mean it’s probably me that trolls him the most. Everyone absolutely adores him. They lap him right up.

The guy doesn’t tweet but people still look at his Twitter. He doesn’t leave the house and his songs fly straight into number one, and not just in the UK, it’s all around the world.

He doesn’t have to be beg, he doesn’t have to sell himself out, he doesn’t have to do anything. He trends constantly around the world. And he’s done all of this whilst wearing tracksuits for serious.

It's a good tracksuit tho

It’s a good tracksuit tho

The most mind boggling thing of all for me, and yes, it’s about me – it’s always about me – is that I too have bought into it. Sure, deep down I know he’s a massive block of cheese, which is why I didn’t have full sex with him that time we French kissed in a nightclub a few years ago in London.

It’s because I just couldn’t take him seriously. Obviously I hugely regret that now, how the fck was I supposed to know he’d turn into the world’s favourite? I had no idea he had Hotline Bling up his sleeve. I’m a fool, but it’s whatever.

Fast forward five years on from that night and he’s turned into a fckin mega next level superstar and I’m sat typing words into a computer. I love him.

He plays by his own rules. Nobody else's. Not even his own.

He plays by his own rules. Nobody else’s. Not even his own.

But, and there’s always a but here at LostItGirl, he’s a total copy. He copies and steals (again nobody notices), he doesn’t set the trends, he takes the trends everyone else is trying to set and he globalises and mainstreams them. This is in by no way a diss, it’s a fckin genius stroke and incredible to watch.

His latest thing is he’s taken that dancehall tip people have been trying to sell for years and he’s globalised it. It’s all anyone’s gonna want to be making and listening to now. And just in time for summer. This guy is no fool. There’s a whole massive market for dancehall, and he’s going to own it.

Hotline Bling crossed over onto everything – older radio stations, young radio stations, OAP
radio stations – it was on all of them. It doesn’t even matter he’s not cool. It doesn’t matter he’s a joke to the cool kids. It doesn’t matter he copies. All that matters is he keeps doing it.

"Yo, Drake, you gonna keep on doing it?" "Yeah"

“Yo, Drake, you gonna keep on doing it?” “Yeah”

April 29th when he drops his album, nobody will listen to anything else. This summer, every festival across the UK will be playing Drake. There will be mixes made of his songs to fit each genre, so you might go the trippy acid house tent to get away from Drake and girls wearing flowered head bands, but you’ll hear that DJ spin some acid house remix of Hotline Bling or Jumpman, or I don’t know, even Rihanna’s Work. But it will happen. He’s called it ‘Summer 16’ for a reason. Because the summer is his. Music’s now again full, go home everyone (until Ed Sheeran makes his comeback).

Why didn’t I bone him? (Ermmm, because you can’t bone anyone as (hopefully) you don’t have a bone? You get boned, you don’t bone. You participate and are the recipient in a boning – ed)

Oh well, I reckon he would cry after sex anyway.

Love you Drake. I truly do.

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