He liked my picture – he loves me

I’m sure we all have many things in common, but one thing I definitely know we all have in common is that we’re each in possession of one, or more, or all of the following:





And one, or more, or all of those little social media accounts hold within them a wealth of clues when it comes to the struggle of dating. They also represent pretty much everything that is wrong in the world of dating, and the world in general, but that’s a whole different story.

When a guy you like, or a guy you’re seeing, does or doesn’t do actions on your social media, it holds the clue to what he’s really thinking.

My inspiration for today’s blog is the footballer I once knew who had the body of a god but brought his cousin along for our date. Then he fcked off to a country I can’t even pronounce. That happened around four months ago.

Recently he liked two of my pictures in a row on Facebook. This meant he had to go on my page since the pics were a few days apart. He also must’ve spent time scrolling down my page seeing what I’d been up to. Then he liked two pictures in a row. This tells me that what those two little ? really meant was: “Hey don’t forget me, I’ll be back soon to treat you like shit then fck off again.”

And that, my friends, is exactly what those thumbs up reveal.

I was totally ok with that viral meaning because I’m ill in the head and he has the body of a god. But I’m also not totally dumb and I know those were just “don’t forget me” likes. They weren’t genuine likes, the kind of which your mum dishes out on Facebook.

Have you ever seen the kinds of things your mum goes around liking? They like everything. They are crazy. I’m really fussy with my likes. I only like things I genuinely like, which is very little.

Social meaning

Let’s continue… So if the man/men in your life are caught up in any of the following scenarios, this is what they are actually telling you. Ready? So fun…

Comes top of your Insta story

“I watched this five times for clues of what you’re up to, and also so I didn’t miss a word of what you were saying because there was a lot of background noise.”

Not watching your Snapchat story, but sending you Snaps.

“I’m fully not into you and I’m also a bit of a prick.”

That’s actually what I do, so this one is my favourite. Except I don’t really even send Snaps, I just reply to Snaps I get. And I watch nothing (apart from Kylie Jenner and Future the rapper). Don’t trust anyone that does this.

Publicly replying to your Tweets despite them being of no concern to him

“I’ve taken my dick out and I’m pissing all around you to mark out my territory. OK?”

Ownership. I once had a guy who replied to every and any Tweet I did. Even if it didn’t involve him. He even barged in on a public Twitter convo with my friend who he had never met. It would’ve been easier if he had just got my phone and pissed all over my apps. If they do this they are probably a total creep, but if you like them crack on anyway until the creep reveals itself and you can thank me later.

Out of the blue likes

“Hey don’t forget about me, also why haven’t you messaged me?” or “Hey, I’ve just been dumped.”

If someone you’ve not spoken to in quite a time comes out of the blue and likes something on one of your socials, it’s clear they’re doing it to try to make you feel a way. I’ve had random likes from guys I’ve not spoken to in months, and if you click on their page it will become evident they were recently dumped. Trust me. Every damn time. Either way, don’t be fooled.

Watching all 467 of your snaps but never texting you

“I’m bored and I’m a cunt! Hahaha…”

My least favourite type. It’s admirable since it drives me and my friends fckin crazy. It’s not worth reading into though, because it literally just means they are indoors and bored. If they ain’t texting you, they ain’t into you. Do NOT be taken in by this one! Watching your shit but not texting you does not a potential bone make.

Liking the pic without liking the pic

“I’m weird and really rather shady.”

Recently a guy sent me a picture I’d posted on Instagram VIA SNAPCHAT. He took a screen shot of my Instagram pic, and then slid into my Snap DM’s to tell me how hot I looked. It’s effort, sure, but he didn’t actually like the pic on Instagram. This could mean there’s a gf who checks what he’s liking, or it could just mean he’s ill. Either way it doesn’t look good. Much like when someone comments on something you did on social media to your face, but they didn’t comment or like the actual thing on social at the time. Oh fck off mate.


“I’m a fan”

This is a good one, usually done by a fan. Say you put up a pic up with a certain caption or you were doing a certain pose, and then you see someone do something quite similar. In fact, it’s a little too similar. This is basically an indirect. They are certainly trying to get your attention, since I don’t believe in coincidences. But it makes them either a fan or simply a bit of a freak, because why not just text? Fck your indirects.

Liking a picture on Instagram, then unliking it once the notification has already come through

“I done fcked up…”

The ultimate fck up. Everybody’s done it. It’s a shame when it happens. A shame for them.

Ok I’m off to do absinthe cocktails and text the footballer, to which he will reply with “Hey…” and then disappear forever.

Bye. X