I was thinking that because most people have got fat and gross over Christmas, it’s a good moment to share with you some LostItGirl diet tips and stuff.
Let us cut straight to it, first and foremost, stop eating.
Secondly, stop (and this is forever) eating chocolates and candy and cakes, anything with sugar in it come to think of it, it’s never OK. The exception is if you are female and once a month you simply must participate in this behaviour. That can be overlooked. Mother Nature was a bitch, and cravings are cravings.
That’s the first stages right there. I adhere to these with army cadet precision. Yes LostItGirl sir YES.
I have mentioned that I’m on a green juice diet, and that is correct. It was not a lie or a cheap joke, so I thought I’d share the recipe with you.
Green Juice Ingredients
My green juice consist of:
- 1 x quarter of a cucumber. But those half ones you get in the big supermarkets
- Fresh Ginger
- Half a Granny Smith, but go to self service and put it through as a cheaper apple (“Sticking it to the man”)
- 2 x handfuls of spinach
- Coconut water
Blend it, drink it. There’s your green smoothie. Start each day with this, and repeat until you are not fat anymore.
Once you get skinny again, still have your green smoothie, but try having afternoon salads.
Half a bag of salad
These consist of:
- Half a bag of a salad of your choice from your local supermarket. I can’t do everything for you.
- Half a portion of some pre cooked salmon you’ll find in your local supermarket.
- 1 x packet of Chia shots
- And I use just olive oil. Because once very recently I jazzed it up with balsamic vinegar, and I got fat. So I’m back to just olive oil.
Sometimes I add quinoa but not at the moment cause I’m huge.
I put all this in Tupperware.
When it comes to evenings, under no circumstances must you eat after 7pm. No, no, no.
Now I usually like to just drink some fresh mint tea and then have a glass of red wine and go to bed to stop me participating in an evening meal. I find sleeping is the most fulfilling evening meal.
But that can’t always be the case. For instance, if I’m like super hungover or I’ve been to the gym or I’m super depressed because a guy is pissing me off – I might be hungry and be forced to have a bowl of couscous which is made out of vegetables. But it’s called couscous to encourage people to eat it.
Otherwise I’ll just drink a whole bottle of red wine or some neat jack Daniels and pass out. Really it depends on a lot of things.
Most days are different which is the fun part of life.
Anyway bye skinny.