LostItGirl returns to London

Boys… I really feel like a ton of them were just sat watching my socials, awaiting my return.

Those silent watchers though… The Sideashians.

You know who the fck you are and you know what I’m saying. That whole “Oh I saw that picture of you doing xxxxx with xxxxxx…”

Yeah did ya? Funny that, because you didn’t fckin like it, rt, fave it or comment. You douche. What’s with that? If you like something, like it. Like it virtually.

If you don’t, you obviously didn’t like it in reality, so why are you bringing it up to me? (People don’t only bring up subjects and speak to people about things they like – ed)

It didn’t arouse enough emotions in you at the time to press a simple ❤ button, and yet you want to stop me in person to discuss?

Hey, discuss this wise guy: You’re a sad silent watcher and it’s creepy and weird and you’re all up in your feelings too much, so get some therapy.

But PS: I’m literally so obsessed with how obsessed you are with me.

It’s been Blinging

I digress…

Since my return, my hotline has seriously been blinging. It’s whatever.

Sri Wanker out of Dubai sent through a blanket of complimentary texts, just to keep me sweet for next time I visit no doubt. This is fine with me, as my last Dubai boyfriend went and became a massive dickweed by getting a girlfriend. I’ve needed a replacement. Anyway that’s all silent now. Until next time probably. But I’ll have forgotten him by Saturday I expect. Until, well, until… Wait, what? Who we talking about?

I remember ages ago when I was all like: “It just doesn’t go down in the dm’s…” (DM’s means Direct Messages on a variety of social media platforms – ed)

This was because I messaged someone who wrote a mediocre song in the charts and told them I really liked their song. I did not. It’s shit. But they just ignored me anyway, so I was all like “oh well I was lying anyway, your song’s shit mate,” and I moved on.

But that did lead me to thinking it does not indeed “Go down in the dm’s.”

I was hasty with this assumption. It does. And this time I didn’t have to put in any ground work. Clearly my bikini pictures were enough to arouse something in the culprit and off he slid into the dm’s. This guy’s super hot, but it’s a tricky one… Currently he is being super cautious in talking to me because he thinks I might blog about it. Silly, of course I wouldn’t (I’m so confused as to what you’re doing now – ed)

But I’m not a total moron, I’d literally probably never reveal their identity or tell too much, I never have and I never would. I won’t even be able to tell my close personal friends about this one. As it stands it’s just basic chat at this time, but it’s kind of escalating. I think he’s worked out that my inbox is a safe place to sext and we are clearly now both on the same page. Here at LostItGirl, it’s a safe place to sext. I went over that in this blog here:

READ: Celebrity Kiss and Tell

If anything more exciting happens with him I’ll give him a nickname and let you know how it goes.

A footballer from Dubai

I saw some hot guys in Dubai, which you can read about here.

I had sent JJ my PA over to do the groundwork, because let’s face it you’re not going to catch me behind the wheel of a JCB. I’m not putting in the groundwork.

He Snapchatted me, I replied tipsy, and then I got blocked. I thought it was a touch dramatic. Anyway halfway through the week I got a text from a number I don’t know saying: “oiiiii!”

This is pretty standard as I don’t save any numbers. I like the mystery and I also like to ruin someone’s day by replying with a “Who’s this?” that really gets people crazy. Ruining someone’s day with a simple text is such a fun thing to do.

On my return to London I got another Snapchat from this footballer asking me to reply as it’s urgent? Look, I’m hot, but relax it’s not so urgent that you “score” with me right now on a Sunday afternoon…

Alas it turns out that the night we met he had left behind his wallet on the table. It was rather a minor part of the evening. As we got up to leave we realised there was a wallet on the table, and my PA JJ looked at the ID inside, realised it was his, and laughed at his name being a different name to the one he had given us.

We handed it in and then swiftly forgot about it. Dubai is super safe, there was not a single part of me that a) thought about it, and b) would ever think the wallet wouldn’t be returned. It’s just not what happens in Dubai.

This is what happens in Dubai

And this…

And this…

But mainly this

I leave my phone and cash on a table in a club and go on a lap of the room so people can enjoy looking at me. I can be gone for up to two hours and when I return all my possessions will be where I left them. Isn’t that the chicest way to live? It’s mostly because you’ll basically have a part of your body chopped off if you steal.

Anyway it was about that, but that’s not really my story to tell. I’ve tried to help him as much as I can, but I live in London, his wallet now lives in Dubai.

We were talking about his wallet, but I wasn’t really interested in his wallet – more something he keeps close to it.

Is that a wallet in your pocket or you just happy to see me?

It’s not his wallet…

So I’m currently working on that one. It’s weird as I don’t really know anything about him and when I ask stuff he doesn’t really answer properly. And he’s only asked me like two questions about myself. But I’m gonna try get in his face and we will see what happens. I’m not sure if that’s even possible because I don’t even know where he lives, but whatever, he’s gone quiet for now but then so have I. Because girls don’t chase. Boys do.

XO

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