Hello, LostItGirl here.

We all know I love to offer my advice, or wisdom if you like. Some might say, in its realism, that it’s hard to hear. But whatever, truth hurts.

I’m beginning to see myself as a modern day Dear Deidre, but like an awful lot younger and chicer with zero credentials and no column in a national newspaper.

(I'd buy it - ed)

(I’d buy it – ed)

It began many moons ago though. I was always the go to girl for my friends’ relationship woes. I can’t tell you how many of my drafted notes have been copy and pasted and sent off to a friend’s love interest, ex, whatever.

But I’m beginning to come to the end of my tether in my own life actually, where I find myself having to give basic advice to grown ups. And it’s not advice on anything vaguely interesting, it’s advice on how to be polite and have manners.

Why should little old me, a humble (LOL – ed) lost it, have to teach grown men manners? How has the world come to this?


A few years back I was linking with this guy. He was a total flaky douche and somewhat of a bore in being so. But he had an above average penis, he wasn’t around all the time and he texted me every single day to see how I was. Some would say it was a lostitgirl’s dream relationship, and it was – UNTIL:

The Story

It was a Monday evening on a cold and rainy London winter’s night. We had previously arranged to link that weekend, but the weekend came and went without so much as a “hello”. Now don’t get me wrong, it was the month of December and my weekends were at their fullest. I hadn’t cleared my calendar and I really didn’t sit around waiting to hear from said guy. I just cracked on with my life, but with a seething undertone at the sheer lack of manners involved in his no contact all weekend.

It was a busy weekend… No thought was given to the guy that did not text

The Monday in question, he messages with a “hello” as if not a thing had happened. Big fckin mistake. I had a sharp tongue and a weekend of lividness I was ready to unleash.

I offered some basic advice in order to help this man in his adult life.

No matter how loose the plan is, if you make an arrangement it is polite and therefore customary to drop the person a text (averaging four seconds of your time) to tell them you can’t make it. No lie is needed, no excuse is needed. Just a “can’t make it” will suffice. Must I really tell grown ups things like this? If you have any manner of respect for a person, surely you would want to take four seconds of your time in order to contact them and make sure they feel respected?


And most recently, this one was fantastic. Again, a grown man sends me some text, and I’ll be honest I didn’t understand. It was like an invite to a party I think? But telling me the new date? I was like I didn’t know the old date? And then it said something about it not being a blanket invite text and that they love me.

I was confused. So I just went with the “Hi you’re back. How are you? Happy new year.”

To which his reply was: “Yes. And thanks.”

So I’m like oh no, this guy just ain’t been this rude to me??

I leave it 24 hours and hit back with:

“It’s customary when somebody asks after your wellbeing to reciprocate the question, even if you don’t give a fck if the person is ok. It’s just about perception. Presumably you’re being short with me because I have upset you again somehow????”

Response: “Happy new year. X”

LOL. Ok now I ain’t got no manners for this douche.

It’s just a waste of time wouldn’t you say? Introducing basic manners to adult humans is not something I want to find myself doing on a regular basis. Of course if you don’t like the person, naturally basic manners and respect can go out the window.

But then I would ask why are you even texting this person if your time for them is at zero, wouldn’t it be better to just never reply to them? Or maybe just have a blanket text saying: “Hey, I hate you” that you can bang out. Harsh? Well at least you’re letting the poor swine know where they stand.

Q&A Session

Here are some tips on basic manners. How to be polite to somebody you like. and how to clearly get the message across if you don’t.

So pick which column best fits your circumstance and use accordingly. Either way, at least you’re leaving the person in no doubt as to where they stand.

NOTE: If reading using your mobile device, please turn to landscape mode now. Many thnx.



Response if like person


Response if hate person


Hi how are you? Yes great you? Really bad, I just saw your name come up and it’s ruined my day.
We still meeting this weekend? Yeah cool looking forward to seeing you. No you look like someone I hate.
Happy new year. Yes and to you too. Hope the New Year makes you fat.
Hi what’s new? Hey you. I’ve got an std.

Hi stranger.


You’ve got a face like a bucket of smashed crabs.


When you wanna hang out next? I’ll always make time for you.  

Shut the fck up.


Shall we not fck other people?  

Yeah cool that’s chic.



I just fcked your dad. So no.


I like you.


I’m into you too.


Who the fck is this and how did you get my number?


Be straight with people but most importantly, to all the man readers, have some basic MANners.

XOXO LostItGirl