Meltdowns

MELTDOWNS

Life’s just a constant run of meltdowns. If not for me then for others I know.

I recently found myself lying on a beach in 40 degrees in one of the chicest hotels on the Palm Jumeirah, Dubai. And yet I was not settled. The reason was because of my fellow LostItGirls.

There’s something in the water. And it’s called FCK boys.

Three of my fellow lostits have really been losing it recently, and naturally they come here to me for my amazing advice.

Incidentally if you’re reading this and are in the need of some advice or you just want to say something to me. You may. You may here:

You can ask LostItGirl anything

I’ll answer anything and it’s totally anonymous.

So I found myself providing much advice whilst in Dubai. And what was weird was that in all three cases my lostit friends were losing it over FCK boys and their behaviour with other girls.

(So LostItGirl, what is a FCK boy? – ed)

If you are wondering what a FCK boy is at this point, you’re silly. But also you should know that you must only ever use the dictionary to find out the meaning of phrases – The Urban Dictionary.

Cool

Cool

Obviously I took a nice calm approach in reacting to their woes and I think I was quite sweet. But inside, as per usual I was yelling “But these guys are FCK boys. Delete, retreat. Block. Stop looking at their shit. Stop putting up with their shit!”

So here’s some blanket advice for anyone in an imaginary relationship with someone (and I’m not judging as I had a two-year imaginary relationship which if I’m honest is still going on and it’s doubtful it will ever end, but whatever).

These are a few tips for dealing with the guy in your life who isn’t actually in your life but seems to be alive and well in your head.

Do not ever look at his social

Yes he’s screwing another girl. It’s what they do. You should be doing it too with a guy. Or girl. That’s none of my business.

If he’s not texting you every day or every couple of days…

It’s not a relationship. It’s not anything. So find someone else to text who will be a bit more regular. Nobody wants to be hanging on and not knowing where they stand.

Always leave messages unopened

Checking his ‘last seen’ timestamp on WhatsApp is ill. If he is messaging you and you get the message within one line, you don’t need to open it. You can see what it said so leave it. Don’t double blue it, and stop worrying about what they were doing still up at 2am. I’ll tell you what they were doing. Some other bitch while texting another.

Don’t talk about him

If you’re out and his name is brought up. Snap! Like yell an obscenity at the whole table so everyone can stfu and knows not to bring his name up again. Never talk about him (hard one for me because when my fellow lostits are melting down I have to revert to advice using my last imaginary boyfriend as an example, which is super annoying).

Delete all past evidence of him

Whole threads etc. You don’t need it. You wont be needing to look back on it. Delete from contacts. Bye bye! Outta sight, outta mind.

Stop wondering what he’s up to

Who was that girl he was spotted out with? Who cares? She’s just another you. And who cares what he’s doing if he ain’t doing it with you? It’s really not your concern. Every time you start thinking that, repeat this:

“Lostit stalking on the net. I don’t want to wet the bed.”

Repeat 12 times and hopefully you’ll stop acting like a bed wetter.

Desperate social media activity

Luckily for me none of my fellow lostits do this because we’ve been over the tragic circumstances surrounding doing such things on here before. They’re good girls and they listen. It’s nice to put pictures up of yourself looking hot, but if it looks out of kilter with what you normally do, it’s best to avoid. Stick to your normal behaviour. A simple insta post can smack of desperation without you even knowing it. Plus, remember that they’re not even looking. A FCK boy has no interest in what you’re doing on Snapchat or Twitter.

I’m here to help you whilst simultaneously going through or having gone through exactly the same. You know, we really are all the same.

So anything you want to know, just ask here. I give really good advice but it’s hard for me to do so if I don’t know the problem.

Feel free just to ask me to cover a certain subject and sure as shit I will.

XO

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