No message is a message

Isn’t that cute? Probably best to remember that little snippet of LIG wisdom. Someone will probably make it a meme soon, although it won’t be me.

Here’s how my shit show of boys has gone recently. I would say it’s gone great, anyone else would say it’s gone very, very badly. I guess we all have different views and opinions.

Fully unperturbed by the silence from God, I persevered. I’m nothing if not a trier. Yes, no message is indeed a message; it’s basically a text back that in its silence says “I really really don’t like you, I have zero respect for you, I don’t want to say I hate you, but let’s go ahead and say hate anyway, just so it super gets through to you.”

I don’t give a fck though. Let’s be real here, if I actually loved God I would bow out with grace, but I don’t. I think he’s nice and he’s definitely my favourite, but deep down I know I don’t actually care. So I sent another 3,467 messages and finally got a response, and now he’s coming over next week. Just so you know, I do not in any way condone or advise doing what I did. If you’re currently being given the silent treatment from someone, take the lack of a message as a message. The reason it’s ok for me to continually blowing up God’s phone is because we have years of history and he’s also really fckin dumb, plus he cares about me even less than I care about cat videos on the internet (I prefer dog ones and goats). So it works for me, but it’s really not advisable in any other scenarios.

Next up we have 50. My friend and I went to a Jimmy Choo sample sale and I bought some over-the-knee boots which were skin tight and really high-heeled. When I got home I put them on and sent a picture of me in them to 50; just because at that point God was still ignoring me and I wanted someone to actually reply. And he did. Immediately. He always does. We spoke and he made another dig about me being “all talk” which I’m really not… I write too. So off I went to bed and I woke up to messages from him on all platforms and a missed call (see how he was unperturbed by my silence?). He wanted to come over, it was 8am… wtf? He was in north London and wanted to see me. I didn’t want to see him, but having constantly avoided him for over a year and bored of being told I’m ‘all talk’, I said “Come on over,” and you know what? He fckin did. And it was so fun.

I literally made no effort, I kept my bed hair, I kept my face make-up free. I gave zero fcks, and then i went off to work. Then he messaged me later that day, so he’s basically in love. Also I didn’t hate him, which was weird. I didn’t much like him (although he is hot), but I didn’t hate him. Weird. I need to see how I feel about all that in the coming weeks.

Anyway, I started writing this and then got distracted because someone sent me a goat video. And since I wrote all that, it’s business as usual with 50 and I sent God loads more messages about how I loved his new WhatsApp avi. He ignored. I messaged again in the morning that if we were dating I would make it my screen saver. He ignored. Then he changed his WhatsApp avi from the one I had complimented… He’s amazing. I’m ill, fine, but he is just making weird dick moves. I guess I’m not seeing him this week though. Freak.

Got to run, I’m just going to send him another seven texts about his new profile picture on Snapchat.

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