One step at a time

I don’t even fckin know how long it’s been anymore (Clue: a day longer than it was on your last update – ed), all I know is although I thought the first week would be the hardest, it is not. It was easy compared to this. Ignoring people I’m used to speaking to on the reg is not easy.

And so, out has come the crazy. The full-on radio rental bat shit Taylor Swift.

I’d be taking umbrellas to cars but obviously EDF doesn’t have one because he’s poor and I don’t know where all the other fck boys actually live. So instead, idle fingers have become trigger fingers.

This whole experiment was about me trying to ignore every single one of my douche bag rotation, and in a way, I’ve now made that eminently possible because I’ve gone so mad they’re all now ignoring me.

I could pretend this was the tactic I was going for. It was not.

I woke up fine, but I didn’t have much sleep which is really strange for me. I can be at dinner and secretly sleeping through the whole thing. I don’t really know what happened.

EDF

It’s officially nine days of silence, which is fine by me. What isn’t fine is that he’s ignoring me back. How dare he? He’s meant to be text chasing. I only want him to text me so I can ignore him again, but that’s not the point. The point is, I’m ignoring you, I left your message unopened. How dare you just accept it?

So suddenly I became mad. And since I couldn’t take it out on him, I stress-messaged God.

God

He’s yet to pick up the messages. I’ve not been read and ignored though, which is promising. It’s just I usually ignore him and message him only once a month, but obviously me telling myself I’m not to have something has made me want it more.

This cold turkey thing is clearly impossible for me. So far all I’ve done is taken a turkey out the freezer, cooked it, and served it up on a platter for myself like it’s fckin Christmas Day. 

50

I gave 50 some serious home truths about what a prick he is, which he duly ignored. I’m not that mad about that, he’s a jumped up little fck wit and he needed to be told this. I even said to him: “Wtf happened to the invite to Ibiza? why talk shit?”

I also told him he is moody. Good, he is, but I don’t know why I was accusing him of talking shit when it was actually me who was doing so. Even messaging him was annoying and weak of me so it made me more livid and I texted even more. It’s always been him who’s made contact but since telling myself to have none with him I now want to message him all the time.

He likes me when I flip out though, he gets off on it. I’m angry that I took the bait. I ranted some more and then he ignored me. But it feels as though a weight has been lifted. I won’t message him again.

So with him and EDF, we are two down now. It’s going well I think, only it’s a bit of a shame I lost a touch of dignity there. It’s for the best though. 

I’ve realised that to both 50 and God, I’m definitely the person that when my name flashes up on their phone, makes them roll their eyes and think: “FFS… Leave me alone.”

NEVER be that person.

I’ve started to think maybe the only reason I was so cool with the rest of the rotation was because I had EDF at my beck and call. Maybe I should get him back, just using him to stop me going crazy at the others.

My head was spinning and I was thinking ridiculous shit like that so I went to the gym. I needed to get a fckin grip and work on ignoring them all and finding some new ones. After all there are millions of dudes in London, it can’t be hard…

She’s alone in the new rotation

The first one I’ve selected for my new rotation lives in the North (good one). I found out that he’s going to be there for a while. Toblerone. Naturally, we’ve never met. We matched on Raya. He is hot, he’s just dull but he actually started asking me questions about myself which is rare, and now our relationship has escalated to Snapchat (I know it’s for eight year olds but it’s also a safe place for the types of guys I talk to because you can’t screen shot anything so they like to use it. I’m nothing if not accommodating).

Spending the evening at the gym then talking to him has calmed me down somewhat and I don’t even regret my morning outburst. I’m zen and will clearly sleep a full ten hours. 

Points for not messaging EDF: 567

Points for messaging 50: -2,890

Points for at least managing to scare off 50: 10,009

Points for messaging God: -100

Points for possibly finding someone new and who I can’t see due to distance: 2,345

In the next few days I’m surely going to do better…

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