Shopping, boys, parties, whatever


This weekend I spent a lot of money gifting myself. I bought a brand new Mac as my main birthday present to myself, mainly so I can write these blogs in HD.

I also bought myself four new outfits, six accessories and some platforms; plus some new fairy lights for my fire place since I broke mine when I was trying to plug in my home zen garden complete with water and mood lighting. I ordered that some time ago from Japan to sit next to as I write.


I went to a bouji club in Chelsea where all the girls hated me, which I loved. They were all dressed the same in these tight dresses that probably cost a month’s wages and I was wearing my oversized drake t shirt and my patent Les Chiffoniers. I was the only girl in trousers and the only girl who probably owned a t shirt that wasn’t made for bed time and was adorned with puppies and a saying like “wake me up if you have puppies” so the more they looked at me like shit for daring to be different, the worse I got.

I smiled and waved at them all then slut dropped next to their boyfriends before making best pals with a waiter who kept plying me with indescribable drinks. I got white-girl wasted and had the most fun. I don’t know what happened to my audience of girls who hated me because the drinks made me forget and I simply didn’t care since the DJ was playing all my favourite music.

I got drunk in a Turkish restaurant and spoke Arabic to everyone (badly). I just said the same word 547 times. Then as my dining companion was boring af I started having a conversation with the fish in the giant fish tank next to me. To be honest I looked a bit weird but everyone seemed to be laughing, and I like to make people laugh.

On to the boys

I hung out on one night with this footballer I used to date when I was 20. I told him about the footballer I’m in love with and he wanted to talk to him so made me message. By the time the footballer replied I was by now eight drinks deep and in a nightclub so I replied telling him I love him. I did it in emoji format so it doesn’t count really, or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. He replied with “OK.”

So that happened. I haven’t been ready to talk about it until now, my housemate tried to coax it out of me but I simply wasn’t ready; I just laid flat next to the zen garden whisper-shouting that I wasn’t ready. I woke up next to some sushi also. I think they ordered me it because I was on hunger strike for telling a boy I loved him. Oh and I went out on a date with a guy who was super nice but at the end of the night he got his willy out and I was fully repulsed. I made him leave. It’s a shame, a shame for him because up until that point he had been doing so well. Needless to say he won’t be entering the rota, boys are so gross aren’t they?

And as for the whatever

Hat Guy has been ignoring me since my birthday. I didn’t notice for the first four days but when I did I sent a jokey message about something which he let me know he read. But ignored. People don’t do this to me. I can do it, but you can’t, so I was like wtf is wrong with you and he ignored so I just blocked him. Yes, blocking is lame but the thing is it works for me. If I block and remove all evidence I forget all about them in under 48 hours. So I blocked him and 22 minutes later I got iMessages. I told him he was a prat and clearly didn’t rate me so I have no need for him on my WhatsApp and he pretty much admitted it was because I didn’t reply to his “Happy Birthday” text which was when he sent me a picture of myself but didn’t actually like the picture. I was sad for him and I told him let’s just leave it.

Because, whatever.