Stupid does what stupids do

As we all know by now, I went against all my own rules and I texted the footballer…

Naturally he aired it for 24 hours because he doesn’t like me. And he’s not a nice person. There is no other explanation for ignoring someone. If someone ignores your texts, they don’t like you, which is fine (you don’t have to like everyone).

He could offer an alternative argument, but let’s be real, we all have our phones on our person around 18 hours a day. So, if in those 18 hours we couldn’t grab a 10 second window to offer up a response, well that silence – it speaks volumes.

He happened to text me 24 hours later when I was mildly faded at a friend’s birthday party. I replied within an acceptable time because he’s hot af. But also, I didn’t want him thinking I cared and so I portrayed that whole “I’ve not even noticed it’s been 24 hours since I texted you because I’m far too chic and busy…” look.

We had a conversation for a bit, then he said we should hang out this weekend and I took that as my cue to go silent.

The next morning, after 10am, I replied with: “Ok yeah let’s do it, have boxing until 8, what time you free?”

And guess what? Silence all day. How tiresome.

I wrote him fully off at this point, and took all my annoyance out on the boxing pads my hot mate Sabby had to hold while I punched away calling all the boys I’ve met in my life all manner of profanities (a great tension release, for me… Not so much for Sabby).

We finished up our boxing, flirted and laughed at all the hot guys in the class then went home to crack on with some drinks and to slag off all the boys we know.

Then at 11pm guess who rears his head?

Here’s how that went:

Baller: “Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I was with my nan.”

LIG (an apology is at all times a win): “Ah cool, hope she’s good. I’m just going to bed.”

Baller: “Oh wow. Maybe tomorrow we can meet.”

LIG: “Well you could have been here. Yeah sounds good.”

Baller: “I would have come.”

LIG: “You’re welcome anytime.”

Baller: “Work tomorrow?”

LIG: “No, it’s my only day off.”

Baller: “OK I’ll come over. Send address.”

LIG: “Address.”

Well that went from 0-100 real quick didn’t it?

Stupid fck

By the time all that bullshit had happened it was midnight. So Sabby wished me the best and bid me farewell and I hopped in the shower. I wasn’t ever going to go full effort, as I wasn’t that bothered in all honesty.

I considered make up, but didn’t go down that route. I did cute hair, but kept my shorts and t shirt on. It was now 1am, I was chilled from some drinks and I rested my LIG ass down to wait.

When he arrived just after 1am he handed me a bottle of vodka with an “I bought this for you…”

That, and his pure wool winter pea coat, which made him look so hot, made all my “I’m not bothered” vibes disappear into thin air.

We went upstairs and had some drinks. I told him about my boxing and asked him if he wanted to fight, what with me being so tough now. To my dismay he said yeah and stood up. I am not short, but I’m used to boxing Sabby who’s skinny af and the same height as me.

When this 6 ft something hunk stood up in front of me in a full-on boxing stance, I for a second thought fck I’ve met my match. But in a scenario like this, you can but revert to humour. And so I pretended to punch away for serious with my jabs and uppercuts, before I just fast as fck ducked down and took him out from the middle. Oh how we laughed. Out loud.

We sat down to drink more and smoke Vogue menthols. I don’t smoke, but there’s not much I won’t do in front of hot guys.

Zero Chat

Conversation is a struggle with this guy, but get him on the right track (football) and he won’t STFU. Other than that he has a vague stare and silence. This is again something I find so hot, especially in the morning and between the hours of 9am-9pm, but not drunk at 1am. So I found myself talking lots of pointless words.

“I’ve been invited to a football match it’s like Liverpool and Real Madrid but it’s in Liverpool so I might not go OMG Drake is putting down new music tomorrow so last week Millwall played Tottenham it was so scary I was totally trying to nap but this helicopter and police wagons were keeping me up isn’t Future so great?”

Just a massive sentence of shit.

Then I gave up.

He took this as a cue to tell me something:

Baller: “So that guy rang me…”

LIG: “What guy?”

Baller: “From the Future gig”

LIG: “Oh the one you didn’t like”

Baller: “Yeah him, who rings people??”

LIG: “Me. I rang you that day”

Baller: “Yeah but who rings people that don’t like you?”

LIG: “Erm, yeah weird. You didn’t like him on the night because he told you to “keep hold of me”.”

Baller: “Yeah. He asked about you.”

LIG: “Oh cute.”

Baller: “Do you want his number?”

LIG: “No”

Cool Chat

And that was that. Weird. But hey, it was a conversation.

I tried another.

LIG: “Oh I’ve been drinking beer tonight. It’s made me bloated, this vodka is better.”

Baller: “Yeah it does me too. I was drinking whiskey earlier.”

(Thinks: hmmm with your nan? Boss nan…)

He notices this.

Baller: “You know like after I saw my nan.”

The lies begin…

It was going to be a long night… or was it?