Big Mouth Strikes Again

I do love to talk. I can happily talk away at people indefinitely, with little chance of an end in sight. There’s very often little response, and there’s literally no need for it. I’ll carry on regardless.

It doesn’t stop at talking in person, in fact it’s probably far worse via what’s app, text, email etc. In the last few weeks I’ve reignited it with a guy I used to text chat with on a daily basis.

We’ve not spoken for a while and although I’ve launched straight back into talking at him as if there was never a break, I realised all of a sudden that in actual fact I may as well have been texting myself, or the wall, or Stevie Wonder. Because I’m not getting  a great deal back. This won’t stop me though, I do enjoy a challenge.

So this got me to thinking of things you can say to get someone’s attention. In case you find yourself in a position similar to mine, or you just want to get a conversation started with someone.


I would NOT IGNORE any of the following:

1. “I just fcked Caitlyn Jenner.”

2. “My dog’s had puppies.” (If they don’t respond to this they are cold and inhumane and don’t deserve your texts anyway)


3. “Hey, you looked cute in that outfit today.” (There needs to be no way you could have possibly seen them and know what they were wearing)


4. “I just passed out in a bar and I woke up and future had his thumb in my butt.”

Or finger - whatever

Or finger – whatever

5. “Got the new Star Wars early because my mum fcked an Ewok in the 80’s. Wanna come watch it?”


6. “You heard the new Frank Ocean album?” (It’s nowhere near ready for release. Total prick tease, would only work on a muso)


7. “Some of my hair got stuck in a fan when I was pretending to be Beyoncé,” (this actually happened to her) “I’m bald now. They had to shave all of it off to save me.”


8. “You seen what’s happening down your road? Wtf???? Mad.”


9. “Your mum just rang me. Is everything ok?”


10. “Did the lottery and just won £100k. Fckin mad ay? I know it’s not loads but still. Loves it.”


11. Send the following: “I don’t know, I’ll text (insert THEIR name) and ask them if it’s true. Message you back in a bit.” (Such a head Fck)

12. “You into threesomes?”


LostItGirl – for when a simple hello is frankly not enough. You’re welcome.