The Best 5 Songs of 2015

Music, yeah? It’s a game of opinions of course, but it’s my blog so my opinion is what matters round here. It’s been an alright year for music I suppose. A few people standout. People are going mad over Justin Beiber obviously, which is fine. Some of his songs aren’t a complete dry lunch for a change, but they mainly are.

Then you had a few other notable Long Players (it’s just a dickhead’s word for album kids), like from Kendrick Lamar, Jamie XX, One Direction (LMAO) and of course Adele – the spokeswoman for the betrayed, isolated, frankly desolate and dried up Camden woman who is now back in the game and no longer sad (although she is and always will be, with no obvious signs of recovery).

But fck them lot. Here are the musical highlights of 2015 IMVHO:

1. Tame Impala – The Less I know The Better

They gave this to Apple right? FFS is nothing sacred? Anyway this year was all about the bassline, and Tame Impala (or at least the singer, who basically did the whole album on his own) smashed it out the park with this number. I like the fact that it’s all about a group of friends who all secretly want to fck each other behind each other’s backs too, because I hope that when I’m settled down in St John’s Wood with some husband and kids in tow that it’s still going on over there like it was in the old days. If it was good enough for BritPop people, it’s good enough for me. Wife Swapping is the future, you know that it would suit ya.

2. Little Mix – Black Magic

Black magic was single handedly the best pop song of 2015. No other pop song could sit near it.
A song about roofying people isn’t necessarily ideal, but hey, one of them bagged a member of One Direction by doing it so who cares? Unfortunately, when the roofy wore off he sobered up and dumped the poor bitch. Then of course she cried about it on stage during a song, which was a great shame and also taught us that black magic doesn’t actually work in the long term. I found this to be annoying because I’d bulk bought a load of roofies off of the internet which are now gonna go to waste. Anyway, ‘Black Magic’ was pop perfection, and ‘Love Me Like You’ was equally as chic. I enjoyed both those girl group moments.

3. Future – Stick Talk

Gucci flip flops worn with no bantz. 2015 also bought me Future. It was the year I imprinted on him after partying with him on several occasions. He was nice to me and taught me the word ‘trap’, so I did the customary thing of downloading all of his music to show my support. He had manners for me because I’m not a slut, but he never put a thumb in my butt which was totally disappointing. After that, he did a mix tape with Drake and a proper tune with The Weeknd, so all was forgiven. Dirty Sprite was a great album for me back in the summer that I enjoyed immensely. Thanks Future, my friend.

4. The Weeknd – I Can’t Feel My Face

High on…..everything, Abel made 2015 for me. He was undeniably on form and was responsible for most of my favourite musical moments. ‘Can’t Feel My Face’ is an undeniable tune. Fine, it’s about snorting so much cocaine that his face goes numb which is so unbelievably full of cheese that when when I read the lyrics I thought someone had thrown some Camembert into the room. But lyrics aside, it had all the requirements for a great pop song. He also brought us ‘The Hills’ which was dark and chic and about treating Arianna Grande like absolute shit, which for most people is a fun thing to think about. But when Eminem turned up on a remix of it I fully lost my shit, then as if The Weeknd hadn’t musically manhandled me enough this year, he went and did a track with Future. I don’t know if I’ll forgive him for his reckless abandonment of my emotions, but we will see.

5. Drake – Hotline Bling

Obviously the song was dominated by the mockery of the frankly oddball dance moves exhibited in the music video, but after the Vines started to lose their appeal (about one minute after they were made) it became apparent that actually the song is alright too you know?

See you next year. Be safe and be yourself. But not too much.