The nice guy

In his parting shot, Mr Sunroof diagnosed me with bipolar. But he’s not a doctor, and also I Googled Kanye West and in my own opinion we’re very different, so I’ve decided it’s clear that I don’t have bipolar. Although I’m not a doctor either tbh.

Some might argue it would have been better to Google the symptoms, but I don’t move like that. I find a celebrity with the same illness and see if we are in any way alike. We’re not, so he’s wrong.

So now I’ve decided to concentrate on the nice guy.

Well, he says he’s nice. And he has on two occasions sent me flowers to work, which is very nice.

The thing about the nice guy is that everyone’s perception of nice is different. He thinks he’s nice because he doesn’t cheat or because he sends flowers. Some people’s idea of nice is like, wanting to make time for you, texting back straight away, and that sort of thing.

My idea of nice is don’t be a cunt.

The guy works in a casino but moves like he works at the head office of Coronavirus, so actually he’s not been great in the face to face time together, in that there’s been none – because he’s so busy.

Oh yeah, btw he lives with his mum. Ffs.

There is always a catch with the nice guy.

I admit, the real reason we haven’t spent much time together is because I refuse to go round to his mummy’s and sleep on Spider-Man sheets, whilst simultaneously being terrified of going to the bathroom at and bumping into mum on the landing with cum in my hair.

It’s simply not very appealing. He’s 31. Fix up.

He also has said these sentences to me:

“You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”

“You’re out of my league.”

“You’re sort of a bit insulting.”

It’s all true. I got drunk and told him it’s pathetic he lives with his mum, which it is.

However, I shall continue the nice guy experience and see how it goes. He’s super-hot, so if I can overlook what TLC imprinted on me as a teenager (if he lives at home with his momma) it might be okay, but for now we don’t actually hang out much. Mainly because that damn song is on repeat in my head. Plus Chilli liked one of my tweets and it was super cool so I really don’t want to let her or her rules down.