Wake up and break up

Apparently it’s the time of year for everyone to break up! SO. MUCH. FUN. It’s also sad, but not really…

I simply love statistics. And I don’t care that 89% of them are just completely made up. Recently I read that January is the busiest time of the year for divorce lawyers. Good for them… It’s nice to be busy in this really quite boring month.

I’m only aware of one married couple in my circle, and they seem, outwardly at least, relatively OK, so I can’t really comment on that. But I’m applying the same factoid to couples in general. Divorce is pretty fckin drastic, so if people are getting to Jan and going “OMG, I fckin hate my wife/husband I’m gonna spend thousands to get the fck away from them”, then it’s also safe to assume that a non-costly parting of the ways in a disliked relationship is definitely going on. It just doesn’t make the stat list because it doesn’t require a lawyer.

Nobody really knows why this happens in January, but some boring old person said it’s to do with the struggles of Christmas and one another’s families etc… The financial strain and also something to do with kids. Those pesky kids.

I am by no means an expert in anything really, other than crash diets and starving myself so I can drink more alcohol. But I would imagine it’s more to do with the fact that winter is depressing af and people can gather up a ton of sparkly things and get boring looking trees and vajazzle them all day long but this, when it comes down to it, simply papers over the cracks when you are unhappy.

If you’re already sad in your current coupling and then suddenly it gets dark for 20 hours a day, freezing cold and you’re skint af, then after the bullshit of faux fun at Christmas you’re only going to feel it more. Then you go on social media and everyone’s banging on about being a new person in a new year and posting gym selfies and it’s probably going to tip you over the God damn edge.

I can see how it would. But good for you recognising it’s not working out and busting outta there, and in such a dull month too. I’m actually a firm believer in getting all the shitty shit stuff out of the way in one hit.

Anyway on a positive note, it means there will be a ton of single dudes running around town for us to console. Fun right??

Go get your hair done babes and get back on that green smoothie diet. New year, new men.

I’m sorry for those that didn’t make it through the holidays, but honestly you probably weren’t all that happy anyway and you will realise that once you’re single. Time will prove everything. Plus you too now have a ton of new single men to pick from once you stop crying about the end of your relationship. And just think about how skinny you get after a break up. This is your moment too!