Weather

Those reading from the comfort of the NHS-bearing United Kingdom have probably noticed that there’s an awful lot of shit being shared at the moment by an awful lot of people. There are a lot of preachers around assuming that the opinion they have just read and then regurgitated into a Facebook status is more salient as a point than that being regurgitated by others.

It’s not though is it?

The most upsetting aspect of this is that anybody could be so presumptuous as to assume that anybody gives a fck about your opinion. It’s fine, it’s mostly about Brexit but to be honest I’d prefer to stay clear of that here at LostItGirl because it’s better to leave the Brexit preaching to people who remember what the objective was of joining it back in the seventies, and thus can objectively ascertain whether that objective is close to being accomplished.

So the other thing which I have found to be a topic of interest is the weather.

Stormy clouds, new horizons

I think we are in the month of June or something, and it’s very reminiscent of February.

We’ve had rain that has been causing floods. Hail stones stopping games of football. Grey skies and thunder. We’ve had a selection of each of the shit/cold/dangerous/frightening weather elements. Except snow. We’ve had no snow.

The weather though has caused an onslaught of weather bloggers to come to the fore. Nearly as many as political correspondents this week.

Remember those days when we used to have the lottery of pulling back the curtains to see either glorious sunshine or piss falling out of the sky? That one quick reveal would be pivotal to the remainder of the day.

Now it’s a quick glance through Twitter and a million Michael Fish’s are fully in control even informing you of a microclimate around your house. And that’s before you’ve got out of bed.

“Hi everyone, it’s windy today and I wanted to be the first to tell you!” STOP

The social routine

I wake up and perhaps subconsciously take a morning journey through every social media platform I can. It’s quite sad really, but it’s something we all do so I can’t feel too bad. Social weather media is as follows:

  • I first check Snapchat, which is weather free because I don’t follow assholes. It’s weather proof.
  • Twitter – It’s flooded.
  • Instagram – Semi-safe but the banks of the Insta-river are permanently about to burst.
  • Facebook – It’s a hurricane shit storm with frogs falling out of the air and hail stones the size of golf balls.

Every day very interesting people are blogging phrases like:

  • June? Pft
  • Summer
  • Good old England
  • I need my umbrella
  • I saw a cloud
  • Winter
  • Rain
  • Soaking wet
  • Holiday needed

If the weather is the thing you want to discuss I suggest popping down to your local corner shop and dropping the “Corr, this weather…” with an ironic shrug of the shoulders to the person behind the till. That’s the best possible outlet for this bullshit. But as with the curtain analogy earlier, that’s just not the world we live in any longer.

“Great weather we’re having…” “Yeah sure”

Naturally when it’s pissing it down with rain this is going to have an effect on the normal 9-5 British worker. I’m ok with that, but there are other ways – if you simply can’t resist sharing your opinion about the rain falling from the sky – of discussing it on your social media account. However, let’s start with the ways that you should not.

Ways you should not

Here to begin with is my most hated cliché weather status:

“What’s that big yellow thing in the sky?”

I literally shudder at that.

Here are some others:

“I’m going to buy some wellies and I’m not even going to glasto.”

“Where’s the sun? ?

“Omg it’s the first day of summer wtf!!!!!” Followed by a ton of umbrella and rain emojis.

“Finally some sun in London.” Followed by a picture they’ve snapped of the sky.

“First day of summer? More like first of winter.” Followed by an unfollow from me.

“Did the UK not get the summer memo?” Didn’t you get the memo about not being a dullard?

“Another Great British summer!” (followed by picture or emoji of weather) another great British status.

“It’s raining.” Followed by a muttered profanity from LostItGirl.

This is how to be stupid on social media. I bored myself writing those so I can only imagine how boring life must be for those saying things like that to their six followers.

But this isn’t to say you can’t mention the weather, it’s just how you do it that counts. Here is an example of how to blog about the weather without it being about the weather and also adding what’s known as humour.

I find that to be acceptable. I’ve taken sensible rain attire, noticed I look like a massive condom and I’ve embraced it. There wasn’t a bad joke or a weather emoji in sight.

But that’s just about negative weather.

In the sunshine the rules are different. But I see no point going over those right now.

Be careful of your weather mentions on social media. It screams meltdown.

XO

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