Wedding dress
I have this friend who does this thing (well, I have two who do this but only one I talk about it with because some people can’t handle the truth), and it goes a little bit like this:
Hang out with a guy once.
Could be for an hour.
Could be for two.
Could be for 28 minutes, doesn’t matter…
After this brief encounter with this guy (and the guy I reference is completely interchangeable because this can happen weekly), the second after the encounter has ended my inbox will be awash with messages like this:
“Omg I love him.”
“Omg he just wrote something on Twitter and it’s totally about me…”
“Omg did I tell you his sister has the same phone as me? Crazy right!?”
“He’s just so perfect I know you would love him.”
“Omg omg omg omg omg omg.”
Omg help me.
What this is called, is ‘the wedding dress’…
I named it this because when I’m receiving the barrage of texts like the above, in my mind I’m picturing them sat there in a goddamn wedding dress.
They get themselves so freakin’ bang at it they’ve planned the wedding. The wedding to the guy they’ve known for a matter of minutes.
Listen, I’m guilty of it too, but perhaps not to that extent. I certainly don’t ever make it down the aisle because I’ve usually imaginary cheated on them before the imaginary proposal. But we are all guilty of getting a bit excited prematurely.
Some people just can’t help but be extra af though.
All dressed up in a wedding dress planning their first holiday and whose parents they will spend Christmas at. As with every imaginary scenario, it never pans out how you want it to in reality.
You can’t make plans for something that includes a stranger because sadly you can’t plan for how the stranger is going to act/feel.
My case studies (AKA: friends) have proven it never works out how it’s been planned. And this results in bitter disappointment and a lot of messages for my poor worn out WhatsApp.
Case Study: “Omg can I text him?”
Case Study: “Omg do you think he likes me?”
Case Study: “Omg he was so nice why hasn’t he messaged me?”
LIG: “Take the wedding dress off will ya?”
So if you have a friend who gets over-zealous and excited after one meeting, I suggest you also use this method to describe it and gently remind them to peel off the dress and act like a normal fckin human being.
Additionally, banning the object of their affection’s name also works. As does agreeing scheduled times for them to pop on their wedding dress and get way excited and start planning shit that ain’t never gonna happen.
After the allotted time though, the dress must come off and be placed back on the rack, and the name must not be mentioned again.
You really do have to set some boundaries with these psychos…
London's LostItGirl navigates the profoundly complex and sometimes terrifying terrain represented by singledom, womanhood and also being a complete fck up. Making all of life's mistakes and documenting them so that we all may become better individuals. 
