What does your profile picture say about you?

Profile Picture

Today we will attempt to discover what your profile picture says about you, and what the profile picture behaviour you display says about you also.

It’s inspired by a guy I knew once who used to regularly change his avi purely for my benefit. We’re not too sure why, but we do know it was all for me. It started many years ago and he still seems to play this game, but these days, of course, he’s playing alone.

He used to change his avi at a rate of a new one every couple of days, before then texting me because his avi change didn’t initially get my attention. On the one social media platform I follow him on, as soon as I followed him he changed his avi to one from years ago that I had previously said was nice. And when I finally unblocked him on WhatsApp he did the same thing there. It’s kind of hard to explain without going into detail and boring myself, but the point is that he thinks indirects via your stupid little picture on WhatsApp or social media is a way to say fck you/I love you/I’m fine/help/call me.

When these avatars change, what is the meaning of this? And what does the regularity of any change equate to? Also, how about what style of picture/pose they go for; what the fck do they mean? It’s all here…

Same picture for a period of a year or over

This person is chic. This person simply doesn’t care.

Changes every six months to a year

Sad and chic. They don’t care until suddenly they do (usually brought on by the peer pressure of a friend, boredom or meeting a new spouse/potential lover).

Changes picture monthly/weekly

This person is lonely. This person cares too much.

Changes more than once per week

You often see that people who change their picture a lot change it to one they’ve already had before because they rate themselves so much in the picture that they think they can do better in terms of likes/comment ratio. Very insecure and full of anxiety. Validation, self-worth and confidence will only ever be gained from virtual friendliness. To be swerved if met in real life.

Now to the picture…


Someone who’s jumping in the air, free of care; or holding something like a giant inflatable, or even sitting on a giant inflatable. Someone who is using novelty face accessories and pulling faces.

This person wants you to know they are FUN. Maybe they are, maybe they’re not, but that sure is how they want to be perceived. Sadly for them, they are usually pretty boring so want to fake what a good time gal/guy they are by posting a picture from 24 months ago when they OD’d on anti-depressants.


They could be sitting on museum steps, or drinking an espresso on Parisian streets. Maybe it’s just a moody black and white photo, but this person wants you to know they are well-educated, well-travelled and totally literate. And the truth is, they probably are. In fact maybe they are way better than all the rest of us, because they’ve read way more books and they have ‘A Levels’ and stuff. But you know what? Fuck ‘em.


It’s just them. Them, there, just being them. A picture taken by someone else, maybe before a night out, maybe on holiday; it doesn’t really matter where or when. But it’s just a picture of a person looking happy in a nice outfit with the photo having been taken by someone else. This person is what we refer to as pretty normal. All my normal friends have this style of picture. It doesn’t seem premeditated or pretentious. They are normal and nice people, and we should attempt to befriend as many of these people as we possibly can.

An avi of an avi

People who use a cartoon or a drawing or some kind of picture of anything that isn’t them. I come across these kinds of people a lot in my inbox. How the fck am I supposed to know who you are if I can’t see you?  Oh wait, I don’t want to. Once, I was too drunk to give my fake number to this guy in a club not so long ago, and me and my friends had drunk all his bottles of Belvedere vodka and Hennessy (we think he was a drug dealer) so naturally I agreed to the swapping of a number through courtesy, but totally forgot to fake number him. Anyway he messaged and had some weird cartoon as his profile picture so I reported him to the Facebook cops.

Snapchat selfies

“Here’s me as a cute dog/bear/rabbit,” whatever. Generally, these filters can make (nearly) anyone look nice, so I get it, I really do. But using those filters is something the rest of us were doing an awful long time ago, and we’re over it now, so you should be too. I know you can do better than that, don’t hide your face behind a dog nose. Real life has no filter.

Me plus many

A picture of you and all of your friends. That’s so amazing how many friends you have and you must be very popular. That’s a cynical approach actually, because really it’s cute and very normal and I’m just jealous as I have no friends with which to take a group photo and post as my Facebook profile picture.

Plate face

I have a couple of friends whose avi is just their face. Like, it’s not even the top half of their body, just a massive face. And hey, it can be a great face and all, but it just kinda looks like your driving licence or your work card that allows you into the building you work in or that you’re an author. If you’re an author, then cool. Cool.

None, then one, then none

A lot of people do this: just full on remove it. My friend does it because she either deletes WhatsApp or a guy has pissed her off and it’s her way of saying “hey fck you”. It works for her, but it is obvious something is amiss… Plus, it’s really hard to take it seriously since people who decide to become trolls on social media also adopt the blank photo approach. Remember that when you want to go on picture strike, and maybe go on hunger strike instead. Also, Future did this on his Instagram the other day and I was up all night worrying about who had hurt him. Who’s hurt you Future? I’ll fckin kill them.